Cross Roads

Staring out the window of Dane's car, the old Cadillac purring as we drive slow on these back roads. Frozen rain coming down onto the car, pat-pat-pat, and the squeak of the windshield wipers all rhythmically in tune. And even though Syd Barrett was playing through the old stereo, I was only catching clips and phrases, fading in and out of my consciousness.

Lost in a memory. Me. Dane. Sitting on his bed talking the hours away. A quick lean in and a kiss from Dane, our first together, causing both excitement and anxiety in my heart. When we kissed, I swear to God I could hear my soul say welcome home. But I knew that feeling. Its the same one I had when I first kissed my boyfriend. I remember how much I liked it, and I remembered all the same how I told him not to do that again...It wasn't fair to my boyfriend.

Then Dane turned to me, staring into my eyes as we approach a turn. And almost as if he read my mind he asked me "Will there ever be a time when we kiss again?"

Everything in my body wanted to tell him yes. How I when his strong, callused hands, whose spent hours writing songs out on guitars, lightly touched my face and hands. How he lifted me up and carried me over creeks on adventures in the summer, how with every touch my body cried I love you, I want you, I need you. I wanted to tell him how I wished time stopped on our first kiss, how I wish we never left that moment.

I wanted to tell him no. How it was so hard to be torn between him and my boyfriend. How after the kiss I carried guilt with me. How I wondered how he talked to my boyfriend every day after kissing his girlfriend behind his back.

So many thoughts running through my mind, I couldn't formulate an answer. His brown eyes, pleading yet understanding, waiting for my answer. But when I looked at his eyes, realizing I couldn't answer, all the noise and thoughts in my mind went silent. And just like a movie Syd Barret's love songs played on the radio. And filled my mind with his voice and memories of the kiss and all time stopped. I leaned in and kissed him real quick, and just as the song ended pulled away.

We went back to college, pulled in the parking lot, and I knew from the smile on his face but the furrow in his brow, that was all the answer he needed.