The Ways

I've counted them.
On my fingers I can see
Every way you've showed me
that I'm not worth it.

You don't see the damage you cause,
In fact, you don't see much at all.
I resent you.
This is something I can't pause.

Who are you to me?
Are you my daddy?
Or someone else, maybe?

Are you the one I can look to
in times of need or
When I'm lonely and sad and I need you to be
there for me?

Many times I've counted the ways,
All of them in my face.
You see me
Not pulling my weight,
I've let you down.

But...

You don't know me.
You don't love me.
You crush me.

The way I feel has been buried deep inside
And should it ever arise,
It would surprise you to find
That I idolized... you.

You were the world to me.
But you weren't there.
Daddy... you didn't protect me.

You didn't protect my eyes,
My innocence long lost inside.
Daddy, you didn't protect my body,
I was violated... left feeling so dirty.
Daddy, I needed you.

But you didn't hear me.

My age hides
the little girl inside
and she cries.
Night and day, every time he opens her eyes
... Is a challenge.

But I'll do what I gotta do,
I'll get good grades for you.
I'll do my chores for you.
I'll work to make you proud of me.

But Daddy...
You will never know me.
You will never see the tears I've cried,
The lies I've had to hide,
Or the fights I've tried... to win.

The fact of the matter is
You are my dad.
But you can never really be
My Daddy.

I've recounted the ways
and all my fingers say
that I'm not worth it.

And my fingers don't lie.