deepundergroundpoetry.com
Split in Two
A whirlwind of razor dreams
Whistling through these late nights
Silent tears falling like meteors
Wishing useless wishes to my hearts delight
Wanting everything both ways
Indecisive to a horrid extreme
A bitter marinade to my jaded stars
Twinkling like the evil smirks of a fiend
Such a horrendous fear of cages
Yet I walk willingly into one of the worst
Tearing myself to pieces against barbed wire
Pretending to be happy and full of mirth
Whistling through these late nights
Silent tears falling like meteors
Wishing useless wishes to my hearts delight
Wanting everything both ways
Indecisive to a horrid extreme
A bitter marinade to my jaded stars
Twinkling like the evil smirks of a fiend
Such a horrendous fear of cages
Yet I walk willingly into one of the worst
Tearing myself to pieces against barbed wire
Pretending to be happy and full of mirth
Published 19th Feb 2015
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st Feb 2015 1:21am
That opening stanza is beautifully depressing in it's connotations, I can just picture a small girl sat at her window staring into herself through the glass hoping for some reprieve
"a bitter marinade to my jaded stars" With such a line jaded is hardly needed to help express such a state
I almost pity you (apologies) for the pretense and acting must prove more bothersome than complete social withdrawal at times
Good write
"a horrid extreme" seems a little off within the poem, breaks the flow or perhaps it's just jarringly apparent in it's required rhyming scheme, still I liked this
"a bitter marinade to my jaded stars" With such a line jaded is hardly needed to help express such a state
I almost pity you (apologies) for the pretense and acting must prove more bothersome than complete social withdrawal at times
Good write
"a horrid extreme" seems a little off within the poem, breaks the flow or perhaps it's just jarringly apparent in it's required rhyming scheme, still I liked this
21st Feb 2015 7:08am
Thank you for your honest opinion...
My rhyming is still admittedly a bit awkward.
I'm learning and evolving slowly :)
My rhyming is still admittedly a bit awkward.
I'm learning and evolving slowly :)
