Leave

I need closure

and it sickens me how much i need it

i haven’t seen him for weeks, i think hes’ left

Its funny, I’ve wished him gone for so long

wished he would disappear

so i wouldn’t have to hurt

well now it burns

i had a dream where i was searching for him at a school

it was abandoned and scary, but i was Buffy and he was spike

their relationship reminds me of what we had

I think its because it was centered around abuse and lust and so so much want

when we talked on the phone we made our world a fantasy

he toyed with my reality

we were lovers on the phone

and strangers at school

friendly strangers

I’ve entered lethargy

maybe now that he’s gone

i could make it all a fantasy

maybe then, it wouldn’t hurt

if i lie to myself some more



i want to appear wrapped in his arms

bound by the castle we made

with whispered words

in love

in happinness

all i want is him

all he wants is me

but i know

i could never love him again

and he’s never loved me

so why cant i let go

why cant i be free

a part of me always clings to him

to his memory

the one i made from tears

and hormonal needs

its sickening

i wish him gone

not from the world

but from my head.





i forgot how hearts could ache