stay sleeping

the ground beneath me simultaneously supported and shifted
even as i held my breath to keep from moving. no one can
escape the minuscule flutter of an insipid pulse ignoring the
intention of utter stillness. the moment came when the air
rushed back in and the splotches dancing before my eyes were
just as real as my favourite illusions dancing behind them

we pick and choose what to believe and then design signs to
reinforce those feelings. i have never discovered a more
convincing machine than the human brain pumping out free will.
all the data aligns and each twitch and twirl comes with just
enough spontaneity to give us a reason to make another choice

but there never was one

if you stayed on the same roller coaster ride your entire
life, would the sensation of falling still exist? why is it
after decades of tumbling sideways for love it still feels the
same as waking out of a sudden dream where you were plummeting
downwards

only to find yourself still on the ground

there is much to be said about how little we all have to say
and so we keep saying it

the quest to find other beings who have acknowledged and
embraced their uselessness without growing jaded are starting
to wear thin

so i maintain the same lovely thin barrier between reality and
dreaming and it makes the night terrors feel more like the
climax of a story I've been too afraid to tell and all my real
friends so imaginary because its hard to believe everyone
walks around thinking

"no one else
feels
the same way
I do"

yet the plot lines haven't changed in centuries

thoughts jump around and maybe there is a connection or a
point but not if i'm being honest

to give you a sense of knowing would be to mislead you in the
worst way possible

embrace the chaotic rhythms and maybe next time when you dream you are falling

you won't wake up before you hit the ground