Start my life

I step back to reflect on my life
To only see loneliness and awkwardness
Running thoughts go through my mind
Of hopeless feelings regaining control of my body
Hurting always hurting till I go hunting
For those that don’t see me
So foolish to ignore the danger
It’s like they were begging me to leave
 
(Hook)
Gray turns to dark
Darkest and you drown in the puddle
Choking on what you want
Realizing what you get will never be good enough
Tell me how to be me without disappointing everybody
Howling at the moon when there’s nothing left to do
But count down the days and hours till it gets to the final seconds
 
I wanted to have a good day so I bought some drinks
Kissed my mom and told her how much I love her
She sees an awkward look in my eyes then asks me what’s wrong
I look back to say I’m okay but really I’m just thinking of a way out
So I drink the day till it gets dark
I start to shake then I puke on the floor
Go up to my room where soon I will end it all
 
(Hook)
Gray turns to dark
Darkest and you drown in the puddle
Choking on what you want
Realizing what you get will never be good enough
Tell me how to be me without disappointing everybody
Howling at the moon when there nothing left to do
But count down the days and hours till it gets to the final seconds
 
I know how to do it, I’ll grab a belt
Hang it from my closet, that will be my end  
So I grab a chair, stand on it, and tighten my noose
But then I look over and see a picture of my family
It makes me feel strange and I start to cry
I don’t have to end it
This could be the day I start my life