A Walk into Time

A collection of dates and journal entries or certain events that happened on that day. Over a period of two months. Year 2011. All direct quotes from what ive written.

Febuary - I meet someone. After some events that happened on Valentines Day I was a wreck. She made it go away. toward the end of the month I write a poem dedicated to her. One of my greatest works

March 2nd - My converation with her on Facebook. Something I look back on from time to time. Probably our first acual deep coversation. Also the day I begin preperations on a drawing for her. It was one I worked very hard on.

March 8th - I join Deep Underground a few days before. Compliments to her. And put in the poem I made for her along with others. I tell her to read it on this day. She loved it. But she didnt know it was about her.

March 11th - I tell her I like someone. She asked who? many times. I told her just wait. And asked her, should I tell her? knowing she has a boyfriend, and weve known one another for maybe 3 weeks. She says Of course, and says "Tell me when you do and how it goes" i responded "You will be the first to know."

March 13th - Journal entry " Yesterday I was so happy, I know why, its just that today I keep thinking she wont feel the same. I mean she has a boyfriend. Even if I say, she wont break away. But I also feel I need to say it. My feelings are true and I trust her with anything. I just dont want to lose her. I dont want to lose what we share, what ive grown to love over the past two weeks. If I tell her will she smile? or frown? At the moment. I dont know. She isnt like the rest, but under the circumstances of whats happening now, me telling her will is just going to make things either awkward (like last time..) or better, which i hope it does. I dont even know if she has the idea yet..I mean its plain but im holding back, but will it surprise her? will she just say "Oh...ok" Yea it'll hurt if that happens. Why couldnt I have met her a while ago, where has she been all my life? Tomorrow is the day I will tell her. What will happen Im unsure. All I know is. Im in love with my best friend."

March 14th - Journal entry in 3rd hour. " - Well today is the day. She's here. Looking great like always. Im goin to tell her in 7th hour or after. My plan is ill give her a hug and whisper it into her ear "Its You." Im nervous, but I was told to say how i feel so i will. Wish me luck"

March 14th - After 7th period. After school. - Her ear was hurting and i couldnt follow through with my little plan. So I just said "You remember that girl I was telling you about?" She nods. After a few seconds of looking her striaght in the eyes. I say "Its You." Her reaction was unreal. I shrill and a hug. After well beating it of me. She calls me cutie. I smile when i think on it. Hugs me goodbye. We go home and talk on facebook that night. It lasted for hours. She says its going to take time for her to get feeling like that back. I understood. and left it as it was. Also she found out that poem was about her.

March 15th - "Im so infinitly happy, who do I thank for this? whoever it is. Thank you. 
                But A thought enters my head. Am i just another guy to her? Selfish thought i know..But I express my feeling so clearly. I told her she was the only one. Its just difficult to know Im one of many. She is amazing tho. Who woldnt want to be friends with her? Im just goin to roll with time. Look for great things in the future. Lord knows ive found one. 
                                          I just need to wait.

St Patricks Day - "A long talk with Greg last night. It helped quite a bit for the moment. Heis right and so ismy mom. Finding happiness within yourself is first. Thats a tough one tho. I dont know..I feel im just "That Guy" no special importanceat all. I push myself down to hard. I know im creative, willing, and a friend. Thats where im myself tho, with friends. I always had this thought of being the "Greatest Guy" and I pushed that so much that I was blind to see what was in front of me. A friendship. Friends is just fine. I love being one. But now my secret is exposed. I will just reamin a friend until something is said. For worse I fear. For better I hope. I hope I Never Lose You as a friend. Happy St. Patty's! (drew a clover)

End of March - Write, Walk with Me. Something I just dreamed.

March 20th - I buy a gift. After a insident with my family I left in fury and walked 2 miles to get to the store. I found a perfect gift. And got it.

March 21st - After school I hand it to her. She liked it. I was explaining why. Until I was interupted.. But all in all she liked it. Just a piece of metal, But it ment a lot to me.

March 24th - Journal entry " -Me and her are getting closer I feel. She is acually telling me whats wrong and Im doing my best to provide support and advice. She understands my situation better then anyone. I HATE the way her life is. She does not deserve that. I would know. I live it. She is just like me tho. Dont let anyone feel sorry for you. Shit just happens. Dont let anyone know or you just get Taken Away to a hispitol or a counseling room. I will NEVER tell.
               I miss that smile and laugh. Giving her that gift was a try. And i do it because I still like her. If anyone was to ask me why? Id say simply. I love her funny remarks, the randomness, her eyes. Her looks are nothing less the beautiful, more id say. Her poetry makes me want to write so much. I love how she understands. and those Tell me a Secret messages. the list goes on and on.
                                  Who am I to have a friend like that? huh? Im just confused sometimes when i wonder, what does she think of me? it doesnt matter really. Im simply human and im trying to prove myself. Ill be totally honest tho. It will feel like a bullet to my chest when i see her in a relationship. Its just going to say Im not good enough or i didnt try hard enough. But ill smile. Give her a hug. ad say "Im happy for you" Because she deserves every second of happiness"

March 26th - I write Good Times Gone. and Snowy Drifts on a Summer Day.
And begin on my next drawing for her. It was one of the best, one of the first i take time to color and mesaure.

April 2nd - Im in Oklahoma. I miss her. Plainly said but i do. I try and call. Her phone was taken away that day before i called. No answer.

Mid April - Progress of her life has dropped and now I know why. I was so angry when i found out why. Now everytime Im around the reason. my heart races and thoughts are screaming in my head. I try and help. I may have got m ypoint across. But im unsure if she sees it. I tryed to be a friend. I begin work on a song about her. "Jade Eyes, Laugh Lullabies."

End of April - Weeks pass and illness kicks in for her. When she shows I give her a welcome back present. She liked it. But then she gets sick again. I miss that smile and laugh. Then I find she has found another. I am hurt. And I message congratz. She says hes the only reason she is happy. I say Im happy hes here. Im hurt on the inside because it wasnt me who helped. I wanted to ask her to prom, more specifly i wanted to tell her a message. She is destracted. I walk home in the rain. 45 mins. I tell her dont worry about it and dont feel bad. I refused to say what it was over Facebook, i wanted it to have meaning. The next day she is destracted again. I dont bother. (this was a week before the relationship happened)

April 30th - I write this piece. To look back on what ive done recently. I tell her she is beautiful whenever I can. And i regret not talking a stand that day to ask her. I have found a friend. Whom I love as a friend. But there is always that feeling behind it. The feeling that I always wanted to give her the greatest day she has seen, to take her to her fav concert, to hold her when she crys though it will kill me to see, to hold her as we lay on the couch and watch a thunderstorm. To kiss her. et. I wanted and still want these. But its Once upon a Dream. Maybe the future has a journey for me. Not that this one is over, Im still a friend. :) Thank God for that. She saved my life, all i want to do is return the favor. I hope one day I do that.  



"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. In the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage because she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane."
                                                  - I love this quote. Simply for when in my life i found it and how it relates.