The crime of living life too intensely.

 You said I was too intense
as if living
your life intensely
is a crime
Maybe it's because
I spend so long
living in the shadows
watching the world
through the crack
in the door
locked out of the house
of my self
tortured on the rack
of the gender
role of patriarchy's
masculinity
my self esteem
dissipated like a
cloud..yeah.. like a cloud of steam
Maybe the problem
is not me
who you blame
for being emotional
putting me on trial
for upsetting
the
'Way the World Should Be'
Maybe the fault
lies in your embrace
of the ideals
of prison cells
emotional captivity
dead sensitivity
being unable to
feel is different
from refusal to feel
there are so many
crying out
wishing they could feel
while you seem to
refuse to feel
and so rub
salt into a wound
one being mine
which refuses to heal
How dare
you make out
that my passion
is a weakness
my strength
and love
for living
my desire to be
cared for
so long denied
is a wrinkle
a chink
which marks
me out
as damaged
or somehow
inferior
not doing things
by half measures
I drink deep
the cup of life
drink it
to its dregs
joy and Misery(just like Lucy Parsons)
drink deeply
and fully
not taking sips
not caressing
the cup with my
lips
not treading lightly on the ices of this world
but pounding heavily on the gates
of business and with fury
on situations seeking
entry into the many
rooms
of possibility
the only problem
I have in living
life too intensely
is sometimes
I need a break
from it all
but that should be
MY CHOICE
NOT YOURS
and if you can't
or won't
listen to me
when I tell you
I feel your company
as cold as a corpse
your invites and then
rejections
as painfully
and precisely cutting
as keyhole surgery
on my cornea
without anaesthetic
then
I don't know
what the fuck
else
to say to you
because I've said
it all
and now I'm
drained
from this one
sided energy
exchange
while you
play a blame game
or 'the invent
a story'
about why you're
right
and I'm
wrong
and
so
only emphasise
my point
that this is not right
and I refuse
I FUCKING REFUSE
you
a chance
to treat me in this
way
you had an
opportunity to
change
and you never
so
BUGGER IT! and Bugger you!!!
I'm Done!!

(Inspired by what Lynsey said to me)