Autobiography

And I remember when my Dad used to say,
Don’t trust love or you’ll surely be sorry
But look at you, across the globe now
And come Christmas, you probably won’t call me

And Dad, if the day was to come,
When I could finally have you back
I’d take the chance in a matter of seconds,
If I could somehow rekindle that

Cuz what’s a boy without his own father?
By his side and holding his hand
I know a life consumed by alcohol,
Wasn’t part of your original plan

And I know that you did what you can,
And I’m grateful for the time I had with you
I just wish I could have you back,
Maybe then I could fix my issues

And I told ‘M’ that I’d always love him,
And was looking forward to the day we wed
But tell me, what good are these feelings?
If he knows in his heart,  that they’re dead

This pain that I have built up in me,
And the secrets that haunt till this day,
I must cut the ties that have grown to constrict me,
And let these secrets flow out on this page

The ones that nobody seen coming,
That I intended to keep in the dark
But exposing them all to the light,
Is the only way I could restart.

I have reasons why I constantly shake,
And why I can never sit still
There came a day I had to face these secrets,
And I could no longer rely on pills

I lost my purity in the back of a Van,
By the hands of a willing stranger
That night had forever changed who I am,
When I had came face to face with danger

And I was much too naive to see it,
But it’s a secret I can no longer keep
When I’d given myself to a 26 year old,
At the ripe age of only 15

I got too busy fighting with reflections,
Framed within broken mirrors
There came a day that I had to step back,
So i could finally see things much clearer

And instead of picking up a gun,
And aiming the metal at my head
I’ll use this pain as my ammunition,
And point it at them instead

I refuse to cry another tear,
And watch the droplets fall before me
I’m not a scared little kid anymore more,
This time around it’s a different story

And mom if it’s not too late,
And you can find it in yourself to forgive me
I pray that one day we could be civil
And I can finally have back my family

I just wish to go back to a time,
Where things were easy and seemed to work
Before life in itself, turned to black,
And from then on, everything hurt.