Lost Love

 I held my finger down on the doorbell, until I heard shouting from within.      
       
            “ I’m going damn," she flings the door open and starts yelling until she realizes it’s her long lost lover. She stands there staring at me blinking hard as if to see if I’d disappear.  We’re both silent for awhile before I push past her into the hallway.      
       
            “what are you doing here ?” I hear the door shut behind me and the locks turn. I can hear bare feet approaching behind me. I turn to see what shes wearing and smile. Her dark hair is still wet from the shower. The water droplets run down her neck on to her red sports bra.Which leads to black shorts.      
       
    “ Did I interrupt something?” I start towards the stairs and she walks in front of me blocking my way.        
       
           “Why are you here?” she speaks louder then before.      
       
   “I came to see you” I smile and take a step forward “why? It was never a problem before. Is someone here?"      
       
        “ No we’re alone, it’s just you and me but your not supposed to be here. I haven’t heard from you in three months” with every step I take forward she moves back almost like she’s scared of me.      
       
        “Are you waiting for someone?”      
       
        “Yes a friend which is why you need you leave. NOW!”      
       
         “And your ganna see them dressed like that? Don’t you think you should put more clothes on?”      
       
         “Where have you been for three months huh? When you can answer that maybe you can “visit” me. Now leave!” she yelled but her voice went weak at the end like it hurt to tell me to leave or maybe fear that she’ll never see me again.      
       
         “ Fine I’ll leave just get me something to drink.. please “ she looked at me weakly      
       
         “Okay stay right here” she pushed past me and heads towards the kitchen when she reaches the door she looks back to make sure I’m still there once she’s threw the door I head up the stairs leaving my jacket laying there. When I get to the bedroom door I leave my shoes there I turn on the light and look around. Yeah she’s waiting for someone all traces of me is gone. Damn its only been three months. I take off my shirt and leave it at the end of the bed. I can hear her coming up the stairs curing under her breath.      
       
        “This isn’t funny you have to leave” she opens the door looks at me then turns off the light. “ Leave now” she screams loud “ you have to go” I walk over to her and grab her hand.Which is trembling just then the doorbell rings. I rush out the room down the stairs with her close behind me. I open the door and standing there with flowers is my so-called best friend.      
       
        “ Well hello there look at who it is “ my body tenses and my fist clench but my smile never fades. “ so Jessica you couldn’t wait to get your chance at my girl could you?”      
       
         “ Well ummm… you see.. You’ve been gone n dive been checking up on her “      
       
         “ With flowers? HA yeah right.”      
       
         From behind me “ Jessica you need to leave I think it’ll be best if you left”        
       
                “ what ?”      
       
        “ yeah I think your right.. nice bra by the way “ for a split second I forget I was shirtless and thought she was talking about Hazel      
       
       “ I said nice bra” I went to walk out after her but was pulled back. Door closed in my face I spin around.      
       
         “ What the fuck is wrong with you!” she walks towards the living room. Anger boiling I shout, “My best friend really didn’t take long for you to get over me huh?” my hands are shaking oh god I want to hit her. I punch the wall-leaving hole whole pain shits threw my hand but it’s a good pain. “ You loved me right?” I flipped over the table making glass fly everywhere.      
       
           “ Stop! What are you doing?!?!!”      
       
            “ Are you fucking her? I bet you are.”      
       
        “ Babe stop we never had sex” she keeps walking away.      
       
       “But you guys kissed huh? And you let her touch you? You gave her what’s mine?” and when she doesn’t answer I know the truth I spin her towards me. Grab her by the neck and slam her against the wall “ you let her kiss my lips” I kiss her lips “ You let her kiss my neck.” I kiss her neck. “You let her grab my ass “ I grab her ass “ This is mine,” I whisper in her ear. I squeeze just a little bit tighter around her neck then let go.      
       
    I grab my jacket from the stairs and run up I grab my shirt and shoes. As I reach the front door she finally speaks” so you leaving huh?” I don’t look back, I cant.      
       
            “ Yeah see at school tomorrow” and I walk out.      
          
          When I get home I walk into hell. “ where have you been ?” my mother yells over the babies crying and little sisters yelling. I don’t even answer and keep walking to my room. Upstairs I can hear my brothers fighting but don’t try to stop it. As I close my door a small hand pops threw      
       
    “ Wait wait!” my little sister yells “ let me in she demands. Most demanding seven years old I know.      
       
        " yes baby girl ?"      
       
        " Where were you? Mommy keeps screaming and the baby doesn't stop crying. She told daddy she doesn't want another one but that now she has to deal with it because its to late. Does that mean we're ganna have another baby? I don't want another one. I don't even like babies or even big kids. I just like you."      
       
        That makes me smile. I really love all my brothers and sisters but i another one is from good.My little sister has no cares in the world right now. i envy those days although things were even worse then they are now, because I didn't quit understand exactly what was going on. I walk down the stairs taking deep breaths trying to control my anger.The baby is till crying so I pick her up out of the play pin. Where the fuck is my mother? I put the bottle to warm up and change her. You could tell she needed to be changed for awhile now. I start to give her the bottle but she doesn't want it. I check the bottle by tasting it she starts crying again the milk is bad. I bounce her up and down looking for something good.. Oh god I leave and everything goes to shit. "Brandon! Chris!" they come running down the stairs. " Where's mommy?"      
       
     " I don't know."      
       
     " Chris you never know anything. Watch the babies, both of you. I'll be back in two minutes. I'm just going to the store to buy a few thing's."      
       
     " Oh thank GOD!" They both say at the same time. I hand over a fussing Bella and lock the door behind me. I have to run to get there and even then I make it just before closing. I hurry to get milk and cold cuts for tonight. This will have to last tonight and tomorrow morning. I rush back home to feed the kids and give Bella a bottle. Then one by one I send them to take showers and tuck them into bed. Tomorrow is a big day for everyone. First days of school and daycare for Bella.. Once I finally get everyone settled I try cleaning up. But guess who decides to finally stumble home. My lovely drunk mother. REALLY?!?!    
     
     " Why is everyone so quiet? It's still early. Only 12."    
     "No its more like 1:30. There's school tomorrow. Did you forget it's the first day ? Of course you did. The kids are already asleep i feed and bath them, even tucked them in.Why would you leave without telling me? Leaving Bella all alone down here. Did you know that the milk was bad ? Or that there wasn't any food in the this goddamned house?" I try to keep my voice down but it gets higher with each question. " ANSWER ME!"  
   
     " It's the first day already.. woooow that was fast. No wonder your home." Did she really just say that? She must be drunk out her mind maybe even high. She knows why I was gone and the reason I came back. " You were here what's the big problem? Did you get food?"  
   
     " Yes mother I did hence the part where I said I feed them."I say this threw clenched teeth.  
 
     " Then what's the problem? I'm the mother here. I don't have to explain myself to you or your brother's and sister's. Even your father. Speaking of he should be home soon. Pass me a beer from the fridge."