existing

What am I existing for? This world I see through tired eyes couldn't possibly be for me. Tell me I don't exist so I don't have to persist. I want to lay down, give my soul to the clown in my head, and fall asleep six feet underground. That does sound sweet.  
   
Being alone is a treat. To sweep the filth off the street and call it neat like it was never filled with grime. Sit here and hype the passing emotions as they bore you down and force you to drown. Drown in a sea that misses its misery.  
   
I don't remember the days when I was free. The days when I was me. Now this mask has become heavy, and it's so hard to breathe, but I've forgotten whose underneath. So shoot me in the head and wish I'm dead, because that's what I'm hoping too. An end to this inner war.