Snowballing Down

there is a sadness within my heart.
one that excaims great mournings into the night sky.
it is a sadness that turns blood my blood to sludge,
staining and straining every muscle to the point of immobility.

this sorrow I carry with me is one of suffering.
It is a sorrow that makes me actually afraid of death.
not the fact that I would never see the light of day,
or feel the suns warming rays.
Its the fear of what might happen to those whom I will leave.
The fear that I will no longer be able to protect them.
to be there when they need help.

this sorrow weighs me down the more I think about it,
for there are people I would not live without.
I would end my own life before letting go.
ah, but the majesties of anxiety love reminding me.
Every second.
of every minute.
of every day.