deepundergroundpoetry.com
title
touch me with your fingertips
show me your naked vulnerable hands
I will eat them for breakfast
and paint a red-blooded poem of you on my back.
feed my inner dog, stroke my hair
and make me beg for more.
watch the changing forms of my black shadow
wrapping around your shouting soul
crawling inside of your nightmares
pulling your hunger in - deeper and deeper.
sense the swings of my tricky mood
smell my burning soul, steal it all from me
and make me beg for more.
show me your naked vulnerable hands
I will eat them for breakfast
and paint a red-blooded poem of you on my back.
feed my inner dog, stroke my hair
and make me beg for more.
watch the changing forms of my black shadow
wrapping around your shouting soul
crawling inside of your nightmares
pulling your hunger in - deeper and deeper.
sense the swings of my tricky mood
smell my burning soul, steal it all from me
and make me beg for more.
Published 22nd Apr 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 1
reads 1108
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
12th May 2012 5:56pm
I really enjoyed the word choice in this poem most of all, very dark and twisted. The imagery is lovely as well. But as you have selected that you encourage an honest critique, I must say that this particular piece is very vague and instead of having an actual point it's more of feelings on paper (or monitor as it may be lol), which is not altogether a terrible thing. It does, however, make the piece a bit daunting or overwhelming as the reader is suddenly subjected to foreign emotions.
However, I loved the experience and there are those out there who enjoy the roller coaster ride of other people's emotions.
Maybe a study in combining that emotional experience with a strategic and guided subject or point would be extremely beneficial for your writing? As well as you convey emotions, the hybrid of emotion and point would make for an extremely potent weapon of yours.
However, I loved the experience and there are those out there who enjoy the roller coaster ride of other people's emotions.
Maybe a study in combining that emotional experience with a strategic and guided subject or point would be extremely beneficial for your writing? As well as you convey emotions, the hybrid of emotion and point would make for an extremely potent weapon of yours.
