pain

i'm so low and i cant even feel anymore
wish my feet wouldn't even hit the fuckin floorboards
wanna run away but i already did
and now i'm back and i'm still just a fuckin kid
guess i wasn't gone long enough
but i guess runnin from problems doesn't make it less rough
and i still fight every single fuckin day
but for what cause i don't even wanna stay
yeah i'm livin with my mom but it ain't a home
just another fuckin place where i can be alone
yet again here i'm left with the thoughts in my head
wishin by the mornin i'd be fuckin dead
so i take this pain with a heavy dose of dope
just pushed myself fuckin farther down this slope
not like it really fuckin mattered anyway
this is pain that only kills slowly

drownin in these tears as they fall from my eyes
can't think anymore just wanna get high
thoughts always racin in my fuckin head
replayin everything that you always broke me and said
and i believed every word you fuckin said dad
so now these cuts break deeper in my veins dad
nothing really fuckin mattered anyway
cause i'm still questioning myself every single fuckin day
and they always say keep ya head up stay strong
but i think they got it all fuckin wrong
cause livin with the pain i do every single day's
enough to make you wanna blow ya fuckin brains
so many scars but not enough fuckin shame
and everything's my fault and i'm the one to blame
so i'll just keep walkin by myself
and maybe someone will hear my cry for help

uh i guess i got my hopes up to far again
but it ain't no different so i guess i win
but like i said it doesn't matter anyway
this pain will finally see it's last mother fuckin day
and just remember everything you ever said to me
fucked me up into a world no one ever see's
my life broke by the bitterness of words
and my heart felt every fuckin sting and every burn
but i'm a look at keepin these hopes up
cause if one day things really start to look up
i'm a be stronger than i've ever been
cause i know hell was my fuckin best friend
he still is but he ain't very nice
he's burned me bad worse than salt and fuckin ice
that's why i built my walls so high up
cause everybody seems to kill my fuckin trust

and maybe everything does happen for a reason
and anymore that's all i got to believe in
pain really changes everything about you
i've learned the hard way with everything i've gone thru
i've been beaten down, torn apart and thrown away
and all i can think is that i'm the one to fuckin blame
i've gotten thru alot of the same shit before
but i've never been as low as i've been walkin thru the same door
my heart hurts worse than you even know
so before you go and judge me walk in my shoes real fuckin close
i am what i am, life's really hard for me
and just lookin from the outside people think they can see
but nobody knows what i go thru every fuckin day
and everyday i guess i'm so much stronger this way
my heart is shattered from this tragic life
but everything is bittersweet so i'll just wait til my time is right