deepundergroundpoetry.com
Karma
You watch me,
Like a hawk.
Waiting for me to slip
Fall, do something
Wrong.
Why?
So you can laugh
In my face.
Point out my mistakes
To others.
Make me cry.
Make me want to die,
Because my life isn't
Worth living anymore.
Isn't that what you want?
Won't you feel better
In the end, now that
I'm gone?
You'll come out on top,
As always.
But is it really worth it?
What goes around
Comes around,
After all.
Remember that.
Like a hawk.
Waiting for me to slip
Fall, do something
Wrong.
Why?
So you can laugh
In my face.
Point out my mistakes
To others.
Make me cry.
Make me want to die,
Because my life isn't
Worth living anymore.
Isn't that what you want?
Won't you feel better
In the end, now that
I'm gone?
You'll come out on top,
As always.
But is it really worth it?
What goes around
Comes around,
After all.
Remember that.
Published 16th Apr 2011
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Anonymous
24th Aug 2011 7:51pm
[You watch me,
Like a hawk.
Waiting for me to slip] Your opener is solid. Everything that follows is tripe, not poetry. It just crumbles into a sniveling journal entry.
My advice to you is to scrap everything except the first 3 lines. Be sharp, decisive, and use strong descriptions.
Like a hawk.
Waiting for me to slip] Your opener is solid. Everything that follows is tripe, not poetry. It just crumbles into a sniveling journal entry.
My advice to you is to scrap everything except the first 3 lines. Be sharp, decisive, and use strong descriptions.
