My Haunting

Where are you now? Are you lost? Can you hear me calling you from the bottom of my heart to the very depths of my soul? A prayer never heard? A poem never finished. A life only half lived and still not yet half over. you took it with you when you left me a scar that shall forever keep that space. Where are you now? Are you lost? Are you searching for me as I have been for you? Are you alone lost and cold in a hell of my making? Have I held you here beside me for too long? Has my need to see you once more and find you here again kept you from leaving this dismal place?
So where are you now are you lost? Can you feel me reaching for you in the dark? Have you reached your heaven? Or have you fallen again as the dark angel on my shoulder? Once more you've shown me how much I can't live without the sound of your laughter.
Will I find you again? Will you find me once more? Will the perilous journey end in more suffering or can I be happy once more? Is there a finality to this story or is it a never ending sea of dark waters and treacherous seas ahead of this lost and lonely sailor?
No light will touch my heart again until I know. My days go on endlessly and still I have not left your memory behind. Hope fills my heart for a moment at the sight of your picture. Then dread replaces it as I fear one day soon i wont remember what you looked like.
I keep holding onto you but I can't bring you back to life. I sing my anthem for my angel and say my last goodbye but another comes after until I realize that goodbye is not possible. And now that it's over I still just want to hold you. I have to live with the choices I've made and I haven't been able to live with myself for a very long time. It's been years and yet it's like I'm reading the text all over again. I relive your memory each day and see you in my dreams at night. I carry you around in my heart and on my mind. I'm fine today but in truth I don't know if I will ever again be ok.