deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Hate You, Don't Leave Me
I hate you. . . Don't leave me.
I love you. . . You leave me.
I'm sorry. . .
I'm odd--
I'm weird--
There's obviously something wrong with me.
Because all I do is make you hate me.
Make you yell at me.
Make you hate me.
All I want is to love you.
But you leave me.
Crying.
Heart broken.
Cheeks stained with tears.
Throat raw from my screams.
You said you'd just step out for a second.
Just calm yourself down.
Just get your anger under control.
So I give you some space.
I let you take your time.
Take your step back, count backwards from ten.
But when I go to get you.
And you're nowhere around.
You're gone--
Disappeared--
Missing--
And I have no idea where you are.
You've left me again.
I just want you to love me.
Just stop yelling at me.
I'll stop crying.
I'll stop screaming.
I'll stop getting scared.
I won't be depressed.
I won't panic.
I won't break down.
I won't have PTSD.
I won't have anything wrong with me.
I'll just sit here and be whatever you want.
Just don't leave me.
I love you. . . You leave me.
I love you. . . You leave me.
You leave me.
You're leaving me.
You left me.
No matter what way I say it, it still has the meaning.
You were here, we were having fun.
And then a problem arised.
I paniced-- And you were gone.
I neeeded you. . . You left me.
Standing in the cold.
Tears running down my face.
Calling your name-- Where could you have gone?
Where do you go when it gets cold?
Where do you go when you're running away from me?
From the monster I am, filled with problems and ridden with broken glass.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
But they all go out the door.
No matter how many times I say them.
You'll leave the next minute another bipolar bomb drops.
You're going to leave me no matter what I do.
No matter what I say.
How many "I love you's" we go through.
You'll leave me again.
Come back and beg for my forgiveness.
And I'll always take you back.
I'll always love you.
But right now, right now my Love.
Right now, I H A T E you.
Do you understand me?
I hate you.
I hate you.
You leave me crying and broken, I've already been broken.
I've been broken more than enough times.
Do you not understand that?
I'm already broken beyond repair.
Must you grind my broken bones into a fine powder?
Break what's already broken.
Break me so I can never be fixed again?
Is that what you want?
Is that what you're trying to do?
Break me.
Leave me.
Fine!
Leave me!
I don't fucking care!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I
H A T E
you.
Because when I love you, you leave me.
So if I hate you, maybe. . .
Just maybe,
You won't leave me?
Please. . .
I love you, you leave me.
I hate you, don't leave me.
I love you. . . You leave me.
I'm sorry. . .
I'm odd--
I'm weird--
There's obviously something wrong with me.
Because all I do is make you hate me.
Make you yell at me.
Make you hate me.
All I want is to love you.
But you leave me.
Crying.
Heart broken.
Cheeks stained with tears.
Throat raw from my screams.
You said you'd just step out for a second.
Just calm yourself down.
Just get your anger under control.
So I give you some space.
I let you take your time.
Take your step back, count backwards from ten.
But when I go to get you.
And you're nowhere around.
You're gone--
Disappeared--
Missing--
And I have no idea where you are.
You've left me again.
I just want you to love me.
Just stop yelling at me.
I'll stop crying.
I'll stop screaming.
I'll stop getting scared.
I won't be depressed.
I won't panic.
I won't break down.
I won't have PTSD.
I won't have anything wrong with me.
I'll just sit here and be whatever you want.
Just don't leave me.
I love you. . . You leave me.
I love you. . . You leave me.
You leave me.
You're leaving me.
You left me.
No matter what way I say it, it still has the meaning.
You were here, we were having fun.
And then a problem arised.
I paniced-- And you were gone.
I neeeded you. . . You left me.
Standing in the cold.
Tears running down my face.
Calling your name-- Where could you have gone?
Where do you go when it gets cold?
Where do you go when you're running away from me?
From the monster I am, filled with problems and ridden with broken glass.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
But they all go out the door.
No matter how many times I say them.
You'll leave the next minute another bipolar bomb drops.
You're going to leave me no matter what I do.
No matter what I say.
How many "I love you's" we go through.
You'll leave me again.
Come back and beg for my forgiveness.
And I'll always take you back.
I'll always love you.
But right now, right now my Love.
Right now, I H A T E you.
Do you understand me?
I hate you.
I hate you.
You leave me crying and broken, I've already been broken.
I've been broken more than enough times.
Do you not understand that?
I'm already broken beyond repair.
Must you grind my broken bones into a fine powder?
Break what's already broken.
Break me so I can never be fixed again?
Is that what you want?
Is that what you're trying to do?
Break me.
Leave me.
Fine!
Leave me!
I don't fucking care!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I
H A T E
you.
Because when I love you, you leave me.
So if I hate you, maybe. . .
Just maybe,
You won't leave me?
Please. . .
I love you, you leave me.
I hate you, don't leave me.
Published 13th Sep 2014
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The author encourages honest critique.
13th Sep 2014 9:05am
Oh dear page,the sadness in this piece highlights exactly what i went through a few months ago.left.I understands how it is to be bipolar and depressive and mood attacks and that co-dependence or victim feeling we have towards those close to us and trust me,him leaving,coming back,you forgiving him,then same repeats then he leaves,it doesn't make it easy for you,its tears you apart then one day he uses a word like"you going mental on me."and you start to question your sanity!
Anyway,great read i wish you luck!
Anyway,great read i wish you luck!
13th Sep 2014 6:25pm
Thank you, I'm glad you understand but sad that you went through somethings similiar. But I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Thank you for your comment.
- Paige Rider
- Paige Rider
