Lost My Fucking Mind

For how long shall I hide,
This mask of sanity I'm behind
On the surface, I'm calm and polite
But there's a war inside
Conflicting thoughts, emotions so wild
That I can hardly hold onto the damn reins
Don't stand on your tip toes to peak into my eyes
You don't want to see it, not even in disguise
No, I won't permit it, after all the pains I devised
This thin silky layer of lies
It's what stops me from losing my goddamn mind!
Fuck it.
I'm losing it, I can't go on, can no longer agonise!
Yeah fuck me up tonight, come on let's get in a fight!
Can't you hear me? Thats a motherfucking invite!
So in the morning they can find you strangled in bed with a snakebite on your backside
Oops! I was just playing rough, didn't know you would really die!
Don't worry, I'll look after your family for you, they'll be just fine
If you knew me so well, why were you so surprised to see my ugly side?
Because I got more faces than you can count and more sins than I care to hide?
Well then I'm not even sorry, don't expect me to fall at your feet or apologise
Still, you should've known, should've realised!
Can't you see I'm falling apart!?
Can't hear my screams, my cries!?
Make me pay, make me answer for my crimes!
See I told you I'm nuts, I can't think right
Not that it matters, not when everything you love burns to ashes and flies
But what if everything you love never existed, then how can you expect me to be civilised!?
Just because I'm sicker than you, you think it's ok to criticise
Everything I do makes you want to throw up, it's so repulsive it makes your bile rise
To your throat; but I don't care, can hardly sympathise!
See it's not that I'm cold hearted, ever since I got my heart broken from the last time
It's a bit dysfunctional, the temperature goes from low to high
And back again, it keeps fluctuating until I'm locked up and tranquillised
Don't you see I'm scared of myself? I'm fucking terrified!
Deep inside I know I'll only find peace when I meet my untimely demise
It has been a crazy motherfucker of a life.
It's ok, mom, I need to silence these wolves inside of me,
I love you, goodbye.