Can't Live

Was over thirty before
I remembered when four,
My pop-pop's visits
behind closed doors.

His whiskey breath,
and groping hands,
That tongue in my ear
how much more can I stand.

Then an airman, so is my mate.
My family disowned me. He's 2nd rate.
I'm 26 weeks I feel him move inside me,
Our child to be born I cannot wait.

I have to serve sometimes really late.
He watches me closely,almost feels like hate.
I'm pulling call, no key to his dorm
I go to my own, unaware of the storm.

The pounding and banging arouse me from sleep.
I open the door, get knocked in a heap.
Punching, kicking,then stomping. what did I do?
Wrong place bitch get back to our room!

I wake up late night, soaking wet.
Cramping I try to dress, please take me somewhere.
Bitch you're disgusting. clean up the bed.
By morning my child is already dead.

Where can you go, what can you do?
I'm the only man who'll put up with you!
Your ugly and stupid so do as I say.
your lucky you got me! follow my way.

A broken eye, a busted nose,
bruises and marks where nobody knows.
Sodomized, raped, A bad burn on my arm,
Come on honey I'll do you no harm.

A 38 pistol one bullet inside
against my head, already I died.
Something inside, caused me to leap.
Through the glass, then ran and I creep.

I tried and I tried,
keep it buried inside,
but like a germ it spreads and infects
Only I know, no others detect.

I drink and I smoke, I sniff and I swallow.
Always trying to fill the hollow.
I had 2 more husbands, 2 boys too.
I couldn't hold on, what can I do?

I can't love, I can't feel.
What the hell is the deal?
What can I do?  Where do I go?
So I Sit in silence and do some more blow.