Mother, I want to miss you

No idea where this actually belongs.

I know my mother better than most, but I barely see her
We live in the same town, but if we pass each other in the street we look the other way
Ignoring one another, a relationship which seems weaker with every silent encounter
But it never really existed, so why would we, how could we, speak
I still try with her on occasion, but I hate too much and so does she
So when I go round her house to try and rebuild, we just tear it down some more
I don't care for her, but that is the problem I have
Dragged up is too easy, I was still raised none the less
I just don't want to be one of those, you know who I mean
The kid who can't go to his mother's funeral
A small crowd staring at me as if I were the reason
With no tears in my eyes and looking like a waster
They all mutter and whisper, one person approaching to say they're sorry for my loss
And all I'll do is smile appreciatively and walk away
I've shed tears for so many reasons, but I know I can't cry for her
It's a cliche, but that's only because it rings so true, and I hate it so much
Will I get a knock at my door telling me she's died
I'd just stand behind it, praying for a reason to dry my eyes
But like the door I'd just close them and shut out her life
I don't want to be left with the memories I have of her
I want something to look back on and smile
So I still try with her on occasion
Because I don't want our only occasion to be her funeral
When I know I wont even be there.
Me and my mother, we're really just too similar in a lot of ways
And we wont change, so mother I forgive you
Even if you can't forgive me
But you'll never hear these words
I'm sure I loved you at one time, I hope the feeling was mutual for a while
But life moves on, and we don't need one another
We knew when I left home at thirteen under dodgy circumstances
That was the last day we would ever really have
It's a lucky number for some of us
No reason to feel bad, no reason to be sad.
I think we could both remember one day together, when we were both glad
But my relief has passed, and I'm sorta angry about it now
I just want to miss you