Its My Falt  I Know This Now

Its not my falt I was 5 when it happend .

My brother killed him self in fornt of me what was I spose to do ?

I didnt mean to let him die I tryed I screamed no but what was I spose to do ?

What would you have done? I wish he killed me insted .

Beating me Blaming me I am sorry thats all I can say .

Calling me a deamon braking every bone in my body I understand its my punishment .

Every time some one hits me or brakes my arm or leg I understand why .

I desuve it I know I do becuse I could not stop my brother .

and every night that nightmare comes to haunt me .

My brother asking me why didnt you save me .

Every night seeing him over and over put a gun to his head and pull the trigher and me standing there frozen not being able to move screaming on the top of my lungs no .

I am sorry I am so sorry its my falit its all my falt I relize that now .

After telling my self over and over that is was not my falt.

I see now that it is and the only words I can say is that i am sorry .

Every day for the rest of my life I will be living with this pain and guilt .

So hit me beat me almost kill me becuse thats what I desurve .

Becuse I am a deamon who just sat there and watch her brother kill him self ....