deepundergroundpoetry.com
A Writer's Journal: Entry V
I'm realizing now that it's better to write down what I want to do in my story rather than automatically applying it to the story. A secret feeling in the back of my mind of knowing that the chapters I wrote for this version of the story with just Mason and Valeri as the characters is perfect. I just need to push myself more, I know I can do it and I'm being too safe.
It would be total irony to call this book, Safe House. I might do it just for the hell of it now. I'll figure it out eventually. I'm enjoying the idea of a writing journal because now I get my ideas and thoughts about writing out. I never realized that there's such a long, hard, depressing and frustrating process to writing stories. Maybe alot of people don't realize that, not every poet out there has taken a swing at writing books as well. Like I'm sure there are millions of writers out there that have never picked up a pen and paper and decided to write a haiku or a sonnet.
Not that I have ever had the ability to write a haiku or a sonnet myself. . . Not the point though. The point is that I'm glad that I taking this time to write down how I feel while I'm writing, how I feel while going through and coming out of this writer's block. Hopefully I'll be able to tell this journal that I wrote a chapter eventually. For now there are only eleven chapters, and a prologue. Hopefully by tomorrow there will be twelve chapters and a prologue. I love my characters, the two original characters that I've spoke of in earlier entries, I love them more than anything but the story is not ready for them to come back. It's almost there but it's not there yet.
I'm glad that I wrote and talked it out before messing up my story, I'm glad I saved my chapters from the dreaded "Drafts" folder and I'm glad that I'm still trying. Usually by now I would've stopped writing and decided to write something else, I've done it before. It's not like I'm ever going to run out of stories, because I'm not. And after seeing what happens when I wipe my iPod of all of my characters' playlists from The Secret House and then re-sync them onto the iPod.
I am never doing that ever again unless this entire series is finished. Because that was the longest process I ever went through in my entire life. I need to learn to love these characters again, several poems ago I claimed to be dissociated from them and that was true, I was dissociated from them but now I'm not.
Or at least I don't want to be anymore. I am going to find them, the good and bad things about them, the reason why these two characters were so important that they got their own two books. Because I loved them and they had something to give to the story, they still do and I will let them have their time in the spotlight.
I can do it.
. . . .
I feel as though I am getting obessed with this journal idea, but it's been so long since I've written in a journal and because of my problem with holding a pen and my hand cramping up I have tried in a very long time but this journal. . . it's just for writing, not for person feelings. I need a journal that I can talk about my depression, my cuts, my stories, my feelings, my mother, my boyfriend, my son-- My life. This journal is solely for writing, for the intense pain that comes from writing, poems, storis and for the first (in a long time) writing in a journal. The idea of writing as myself in journal form and posting it on a website for the world to read is still rather strange to me. And I can only assume that alot of people would think that I'm weird for it but I can't help it. The only place that I felt would seem right to write a writing journal on is Deep Underground, it's my writing paradise. It's the escape that the books I read and the books I write don't give me. It's like it's own little world, like the snow globe in The Lovely Bones, like Little Big Planet-- Deep Underground is where all the emotions, experiences, choices, ideas and stories of the writers and poets go.
All of those things that we create, we think, we write, we contrive, we compose, we construct from the ground up with words. They come here, and so when I decided to write down my feelings about my horrid case of writer's block I couldn't imagine hiding it away in an untouched folder in my documents for only my eyes to see because like every emotion that a self-obsessed artist feels, we want to share it with the world. And then the giving part of me re-awakens and I want to share my stories with the world just so I can know that someone out there has felt the same way. Out of habit I asked for comments on my journal entries as if they were poems, by the third entry I changed it so that I was no longer accepting comments because my feelings cannot be commented on-- At least not these journal entries because I know that there is nothing anyone would say that would make me change it. It's suppose to be long because it's a journal entry, hence why it is in "Non-Fiction Prose", it's based off how I am feeling in the moment which is why this journal entry is being edited currently as I type this part right now.
And so this could not be commented and critiqued because it's not a poem that I'm looking for feedback on, it's my emotions that I want to share with the underground community of poets and writers. I say this half to explain myself to anyone who might read these, and half so that I know why this journal is here. These is no other better place for a journal such as this.
- Paige Rider
It would be total irony to call this book, Safe House. I might do it just for the hell of it now. I'll figure it out eventually. I'm enjoying the idea of a writing journal because now I get my ideas and thoughts about writing out. I never realized that there's such a long, hard, depressing and frustrating process to writing stories. Maybe alot of people don't realize that, not every poet out there has taken a swing at writing books as well. Like I'm sure there are millions of writers out there that have never picked up a pen and paper and decided to write a haiku or a sonnet.
Not that I have ever had the ability to write a haiku or a sonnet myself. . . Not the point though. The point is that I'm glad that I taking this time to write down how I feel while I'm writing, how I feel while going through and coming out of this writer's block. Hopefully I'll be able to tell this journal that I wrote a chapter eventually. For now there are only eleven chapters, and a prologue. Hopefully by tomorrow there will be twelve chapters and a prologue. I love my characters, the two original characters that I've spoke of in earlier entries, I love them more than anything but the story is not ready for them to come back. It's almost there but it's not there yet.
I'm glad that I wrote and talked it out before messing up my story, I'm glad I saved my chapters from the dreaded "Drafts" folder and I'm glad that I'm still trying. Usually by now I would've stopped writing and decided to write something else, I've done it before. It's not like I'm ever going to run out of stories, because I'm not. And after seeing what happens when I wipe my iPod of all of my characters' playlists from The Secret House and then re-sync them onto the iPod.
I am never doing that ever again unless this entire series is finished. Because that was the longest process I ever went through in my entire life. I need to learn to love these characters again, several poems ago I claimed to be dissociated from them and that was true, I was dissociated from them but now I'm not.
Or at least I don't want to be anymore. I am going to find them, the good and bad things about them, the reason why these two characters were so important that they got their own two books. Because I loved them and they had something to give to the story, they still do and I will let them have their time in the spotlight.
I can do it.
. . . .
I feel as though I am getting obessed with this journal idea, but it's been so long since I've written in a journal and because of my problem with holding a pen and my hand cramping up I have tried in a very long time but this journal. . . it's just for writing, not for person feelings. I need a journal that I can talk about my depression, my cuts, my stories, my feelings, my mother, my boyfriend, my son-- My life. This journal is solely for writing, for the intense pain that comes from writing, poems, storis and for the first (in a long time) writing in a journal. The idea of writing as myself in journal form and posting it on a website for the world to read is still rather strange to me. And I can only assume that alot of people would think that I'm weird for it but I can't help it. The only place that I felt would seem right to write a writing journal on is Deep Underground, it's my writing paradise. It's the escape that the books I read and the books I write don't give me. It's like it's own little world, like the snow globe in The Lovely Bones, like Little Big Planet-- Deep Underground is where all the emotions, experiences, choices, ideas and stories of the writers and poets go.
All of those things that we create, we think, we write, we contrive, we compose, we construct from the ground up with words. They come here, and so when I decided to write down my feelings about my horrid case of writer's block I couldn't imagine hiding it away in an untouched folder in my documents for only my eyes to see because like every emotion that a self-obsessed artist feels, we want to share it with the world. And then the giving part of me re-awakens and I want to share my stories with the world just so I can know that someone out there has felt the same way. Out of habit I asked for comments on my journal entries as if they were poems, by the third entry I changed it so that I was no longer accepting comments because my feelings cannot be commented on-- At least not these journal entries because I know that there is nothing anyone would say that would make me change it. It's suppose to be long because it's a journal entry, hence why it is in "Non-Fiction Prose", it's based off how I am feeling in the moment which is why this journal entry is being edited currently as I type this part right now.
And so this could not be commented and critiqued because it's not a poem that I'm looking for feedback on, it's my emotions that I want to share with the underground community of poets and writers. I say this half to explain myself to anyone who might read these, and half so that I know why this journal is here. These is no other better place for a journal such as this.
- Paige Rider
Published 24th May 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 1
comments 0
reads 775
Commenting Preference:
The author has chosen not to accept comments.
