deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mourning
Caffeinating myself into existance
Trying to drown the static from the televisions of my eyes
The world howls in pain from open wounds
Yet I have the sickening arrogance to feel numb
Woe to all,
growing deaf to infant calls
In the passion of my expression have I learned a single lesson?
No one will carry on my name in birth
Even before I could tell my asshole from a hole in the ground
I was wise enough to give up on my family and this earth
All these years i have poured my positive energy in caring rain
You do not feel me...
Hail to all you fuckers,
I am finally drained.
Published 21st Mar 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 856
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
21st Mar 2011 10:39pm
I hope you don't mind me making this comparison, but the latter half of your poem recalled this passage from a play by Sarah Kane:
"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you for rejecting me by never being there, fuck you for making me feel like shit about myself, fuck you for bleeding the fucking love and life out of me, fuck my father for fucking up my life for good and fuck my mother for not leaving him, but most of all, fuck you God for making me love a person who does not exist.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU."
***
This poem is beautiful, Dragonyear. I must admit I groaned a bit when I read the title, but soon regretted that reaction when I came across this line:
"Trying to drown the static from the televisions of my eyes"
That, good sir, is amazing. The perfect metaphor. Not too dense, not too vague, unique and just right.
My second favourite line was this:
"Even before I could tell my asshole from a hole in the ground"
The vulgarity in this poem is timed perfectly to create the most profound effect. It's nice to finally find a poet who can swear in context, who knows the music of hate and not just the notes.
"Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you for rejecting me by never being there, fuck you for making me feel like shit about myself, fuck you for bleeding the fucking love and life out of me, fuck my father for fucking up my life for good and fuck my mother for not leaving him, but most of all, fuck you God for making me love a person who does not exist.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU."
***
This poem is beautiful, Dragonyear. I must admit I groaned a bit when I read the title, but soon regretted that reaction when I came across this line:
"Trying to drown the static from the televisions of my eyes"
That, good sir, is amazing. The perfect metaphor. Not too dense, not too vague, unique and just right.
My second favourite line was this:
"Even before I could tell my asshole from a hole in the ground"
The vulgarity in this poem is timed perfectly to create the most profound effect. It's nice to finally find a poet who can swear in context, who knows the music of hate and not just the notes.
21st Mar 2011 10:44pm
wow! thank you for the truly thoughtful review
"Trying to drown the static from the televisions of my eyes"
its funny after i wrote that line I immediatly thoughts that it had the elegance of something you might write
Do you think I should change the title?
"Trying to drown the static from the televisions of my eyes"
its funny after i wrote that line I immediatly thoughts that it had the elegance of something you might write
Do you think I should change the title?
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Mar 2011 11:11pm
21st Mar 2011 11:10pm
Maybe just "Mourning" would work, but it's your call of course. The title you have isn't really bad, and in a weird way works once you've read the poem.
