Sex with Strangers (a thought provoked response)

She finds them,    
the players in her play,    
in bars she frequents    
and their alley ways.    
Routinely showing up alone,    
wearing red lipstick and green eyes.  
She's got a look about her,  
dawning ambiguity beautifully.    
She doesn't discriminate,  
casting men and women alike.    
The story line,  
is one she's familiar with    
as she wrote the script herself:  
Woman walks into a bar and remains silent, sipping on whisky.  She spots the several in the room that she'd like to audition and waits until one approaches her. She takes them, without fail, to the nearest hotel and begs them for unthinkably violent sex.  The two finish and part ways, never exchanging real names.  
    
      (Close Curtain)  
    
Why does she direct,    
to some, such a tragedy?  
A therapists assessment suggests,    
she attempts to stage    
a paradoxical psychodrama.    
These specialists say,    
 "To be controlled, is to control."  
She says, "Bullshit!"    
She wants to awaken    
those sleeping.    
Give them the gift    
to preform their;    
darkest horror, trauma    
and deepest pain.    
Give them    
an all-access pass    
to a stage, for    
role play.    
When a man violates    
her mouth, raping past    
her lips and down her throat,    
choking, she wonders,    
"Is that all you got?"    
When a women;    
slaps her across the face,    
wrenching on her short blond hair    
and molesting her nipples with    
her teeth, she thinks,    
"You can do better than that."    
There was a past    
when this Starlet    
did not like to get hurt,    
bruised or left naked, afraid  
and embarrassed.
That part has long since played out.  
That piece of her was buried,    
6 feet under    
and once upon a time.
Yes, buried and than stirred    
by someone just like her.
Crawling out    
of that same hole    
that she was left for dead in,    
she now, wanders about    
showing the same courtesy    
to those still sleeping.    
When she has hands perpetrating    
the most tender/ sweet places  
on her body and the brute says,    
"Tell me to stop and I will..."  
She shakes her head no,    
rehearsing her lines to herself,  
"This time, I'm strong enough.  I'm not weak, the way I use to be.  This go around, I will not give you the satisfaction of leaving this room, believing you broke me.  I'm not pathetic as I once was and I'm sure as fuck not scared anymore or frightened, so do your worst!"  
She finds herself    
with a blade to her throat often.    
It gets her wet.
The specialists refer    
to this "abnormal"    
sexual behavior    
as a fetish.    
She calls it her poison.
When the cold metal is    
pressed to her neck    
and her dominating partner  
offensively shoves    
his tongue in her mouth    
and says,    
"I will fucking cut you bitch,    
if you don't call me daddy!"    
Out loud she responds,    
"Daddy, I'll be good."    
Internally though she screams,    
"Fucking do it!    
There ain't nothing    
you can do to me,    
that I haven't seen."    
Slice me open.
You can't kill me,    
I'm already dead!"    
    
So, why the sex with strangers?...  
    
Because, in my real life, no one that truly loves me, subjects me to the perverse and barbaric things that I ask strangers for.  I need this reminder the most.