deepundergroundpoetry.com
Young Girl
Young girl
Trapped in a perfect society
full of anxiety
and ever so quietly
she bows her head
full of dread
and cries
Young girl
lost in a hurricane
Cant maintain
all her pain
cant explain
her open vein
Young girl
cant wait to be older
cant wait to be bolder
to be either dead or away
from today
where she is just
A Young Girl.
Trapped in a perfect society
full of anxiety
and ever so quietly
she bows her head
full of dread
and cries
Young girl
lost in a hurricane
Cant maintain
all her pain
cant explain
her open vein
Young girl
cant wait to be older
cant wait to be bolder
to be either dead or away
from today
where she is just
A Young Girl.
Published 9th May 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 924
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th May 2014 6:09pm
liked this very much, few lines but heartfelt, i wish i cud write short ones, x thank you
9th May 2014 6:11pm
You are very welcome! I am sure you could write poems like this, it just takes practice!
9th May 2014 7:37pm
9th May 2014 9:37pm
9th May 2014 7:53pm
Try to steer clear of cliche's like "older/bolder"
and don't put it in just 'cause it rhymes
the "head full of dread" and "maintain all her pain" lines were forced and sloppy.
Keep it up though, kid
and don't put it in just 'cause it rhymes
the "head full of dread" and "maintain all her pain" lines were forced and sloppy.
Keep it up though, kid
9th May 2014 9:36pm
Thanks. I will take your advice. I strive to improve all of my work.
