Him

What might I be doing at this very moment?
I am lying naked in my bed.
Queen size bed.
My mind is playing hopscotch with my memory.
I need to talk about this..
This certain person...
I cant seem to shake him from my mind.
I feel euphoric when I can visualize him.
He remains the only person I can get an orgasm from without even touching myself..
Why do I care for him so much.. How to explain this feeling..
It has to be more than love..
I have felt love before..
I have never felt this..
I would literally do anything in the world for him, which scares the hell outta me.
He says he loves me
But that I have too much baggage..
Probably because I am married.
Seems like the logical reason.
I hadn't seem him in months..
It was finally getting easier not to miss him..
Not to think of him at every second of everyday..
Im serious... I honestly think he is an obsession..
I have no other way to explain it..

I saw him the other day..
His lean, toned body..tense... standing beside my best friend's car.
He didn't expect to see me at the bar that night.
He had done everything in his power to avoid me
To cut off all communication...
But now we were face to face..
All all the progress I had made getting over him went to shit
Just the look in his eyes.. that same 'ole familiar stare that
leaves you feeling loved and content
and makes every problem in life disappear...
It was all coming back to me
The feeling washed over me like a curious orgasm
We drove out to the lake to 'catch up' on old times, or what-not
I felt like I was in a dream
It could possibly just have been a haze from the lack of sleep, the weed, and the shots of 151 and tequilla I had that night...
Or maybe it was a bit more familiar..

Then we danced.
Two stepped to be exact, and it was the first time
We had no music
We had much more
Two stories up in the air, look down and see the lake, look up and see the stars..
I had never felt more free.
He looked me dead in the eye and told me those dreaded words...
I love you.
I love you then, I love you now, I will always love you.

Every substantial thing in me turned to mush
And once again, I was completely his.
I would have gave him the moon if he had asked.
He wrapped me in a hug, then as if it all happened so fast
He was gone again.
Only his image remains in my mind
And his smell
And his smile
And the sensation of his kiss
And the humor in his voice, I can still hear it 
But I cant let it phase me
I love him
I miss him too much to start thinking of him again
It will kill me. I need him
I need to push him outta my head
I need to see him again
I need to do my best to forget...again
I need him in my life to keep me happy.
Im not happy.
Almost got kicked outta my house today..
But I didn't. Damn.