Four Letters

when my brother fell out of love      
he didn't want to speak      
and when excuses spilled out      
his tongue was to his cheek      
       
to me, i was scared      
i thought love was the dark swirling deep end of a lake      
and when you fall in      
you are so consumed and engulfed that there are no breaths for you to take      
       
i saw love as the binding of a deceiving man and a woman small      
a man with soft hands that would grip me with withdrawal      
a woman not all good, who would comfort but never feel      
my naive, unsuspecting self learned love was a mirage, something unworthy, something unreal      
       
those were five years of his life      
they came and went but left me reeling with unexplainable internal strife      
love was no thing, it or noun      
nor smiling face, empty space, or sad cartoon frown      
       
my house is worn down thin      
creaking steps and basement floor almost caved in      
it's anticipating love and wondering where its been      
       
i might of found it in wondering brown eyes and a cute smile      
i'm still unsure      
it might just take awhile