Better Days

I was too innocent
Danger never
Crossed my mind
Naive to all
Because I trusted
All the time
The pain
Exploded
Throughout my chest
Banging
Banging
Unable
To catch my breath
Things I never imagined
Became my new
Most obsessed about
Insecurities
Adding on
To all
That already
Troubles me
Insomniac I can't sleep
I need more pills
But now
My body feels weak
But that won't stop me
Because
My mind
Is no longer mine
Give me more
I need more
Every time
Ignore me
Every time
Fill my glass
More
Every time
Smile no
You are no longer mine
Cry no
There will be no
More tears for you
No more
No
No more you
Now what Do I do
Listening to voices
But never
Hearing them
Making bad choices
But never
Fearing them
Because my biggest troubles
Are within
It's different
My own kind
Of hell
My own misery
An individual cell
Dwelling
Creating my own kind
Of jail
We will always be judged
I use to give a fuck
But the more I write
The less it matters
I no longer give a fuck
Remember the way it felt
Every time
We got too close
Every time
You feel chills
Like you were touched
By a ghost
Fear drove us
Drove us apart
I wonder why you changed
Blinded by emotion
Was it me
Playing games
You held on waiting
For me
To change
But I couldn't see me
Then
Because all I could see
Was you
Now I can accept the trouble
I caused you
Life is a cruel teacher
I'm struggling
And everyday
I get a pop quiz
Somebody give me the answers
To all
Of this shit
Oh boy
They say I need a mentor
But I can't listen
Not even to myself
How can I be serious
If I don't even know
Myself
Let the night come
I will ride this out
Walking alone
Trying to figure this out
Dying alone
But I never
Finish anything out
Crying inside
But never
Letting anything out
On my own
Until the sun
Comes out
Judge me again
Because you know
What I'm about
You don't have to lie to me
I know what it is
But keep lying to yourself
So you get over
All of this
Cleanse with lies
Self destructive
Self talk
Un intended
But it will circulate
Like blood do
Hiding your problems
Will create
More trouble
Not now
But since we never learned
How to solve it
When it happens again
You will be right back at it
Like it has always
Been meant to happen
The mountain grows
Most pain
Will be unknown
You will always be
Unknown
You will always be
More
Than you know
More
Than you know
Some things
Cannot be unbroken
I've been stressed out
So stressed
More than you know
Out of control
More than I show
Looking at the door
Wondering if I should go
Should I call
No
Absolutely not
Absolutely or not
You won't pick up
I can't take that bullet
I'm holding on with all I've got
I want a literal bullet
I want to feel the heat
Burst through me
Run right through me
All the way through me
Will anybody get through
To me
Sadly
I'm chasing memories
Shattered when I picture
These memories
Unable to forget
All these fucking memories
Beautiful but toxic
When you remember me
Dead is what I am
To you
We rushed
Through all the time we had
We both changed
It's not worth looking back
Because way too many
Pieces are missing
They wouldn't fit anymore
Anyways
Tupac said it best
Keep the faith
And pray
For better days
Better Days