Unfortunate Past

 The truth I hold,
Took years to unfold,
Locked up, I never told.

Now I speak,
For I am done being weak.

A story I will tell,
Awakening the pits of hell.

Pinned against the wall,
Being so young and still so small.

Tongue against my chest,
You can imagine the rest.

Touching, feeling
My eyes rolling
To the ceiling.

I push away,
Forced down, I am here to stay,
And pray.

Day and night,
Always full of fright.

Kissing,
Sucking,
Crying,
Weeping,
Always happened when they were sleeping.

Was I that bad of a kid?
Why was I auctioned with this demon to bid?

Sold to the pervert in the chair,
Dragged off stage by the strings of my hair.

"No one cares about you", he said
Cutting my wrist wishing I were dead.

He's right you see
All these years no one gave a damn about me.

A puppet I am to him,
Dangling from limb to limb.

The years pass on by,
I have no more tears left to cry.

I escaped this hate,
No more videos left of rape.

Visits became less and less
I'm starting to grow up a mess.

Drinking here,
Smoking there,
My life is hard to share.

Making friends with junkies,
Parading around town, like diseased monkeys.

Everyday that goes by
I feel so ashamed and left to die

I tried to share my story to those I trust,
But all they wanted was my lust.

Met a boy,
Come to find out I was just his toy.

I want to help his soul,
But inside I paid his toll.

Being punched in the face,
Always leaving some kind of trace.

Left in harm's way,
Wasted, abused, with no place to stay.

Wondering the street,
Looking for a source of heat.

No respect for myself,
No metal to place on a shelf.

Falling down to the dirt,
Clothes stained, blood-stained skirt.

The cold making me shiver,
Drinking the flask and damaging my liver.

Why should I care bout my life,
Here I go, carving myself with a knife.

Blood dripping down my thigh,
Hatred fills me like a high.

All numb can't feel a thing.
The morning doves ready to sing.

I am not dead.
Just hanging on by a thread.

The ambulance speeding fast,
All I can see is a movie of my past.

All stitched up, and ready to go,
Put your clothes on, you stupid hoe.

Here I go this life I lead to know
Take a seat and watch the show.

Dancing for there eyes to see,
Please God set me free.

A man took me home that night,
My eyes sparkled full of fright.

He was addicted to drugs,
Veins shot up, full of bugs.

Leaving me in the ghettos,
Dreaming I was frolicking in the meadows.

Touched and abused, I was,
Just so he could get a meth buzz.

Smoked filled air,
The smell hard to bare.

His eyes so black,
Pinning me like a thumbtack.

The years pass by,
Still living my past as a lie.

I did survive this life.
I have now retired my knife.

Scars still there,
People look at them and stare.

I am sad at times,
Past so full of these crimes.

Smiling to all,
Putting my hands out, breaking my fall.

I would like to share my voice,
It's up to me to make that choice.