Echoes

I subject myself to torture
Every day... in every way
I open the wardrobe
I stare at your clothes
I refuse to throw away your toothbrush
And your shoes are still standing next to mine
I take out your shirts and wear them
Like it is your arms around me
I cover the bed in your scent
And roll around in it until the need
To cut is so overwhelming that I can’t breathe
I play our songs, over and over
Until the echoes of it follows me wherever I go
I never break my rules
I never cut
I never cry
I never drink
I never use

Escape is for the deserving