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Pole Dancing

Walk through the door,
All my defenses are on.
Walk in the back and I stumble,
Not caring what I do wrong.
I may make the wrong impression,
But at least I made it here.
A little pissed and tipsy,
So you'd better stay clear.
And then a light in the darkness,
But he won't meet my eyes.
Please smile, make this ok,
This place that I so despise.
You turning away makes it worse,
Confirming my worst thoughts.
This is not what I saw myself as,
But I can't feel it's all for not.
So I put on my high heels,
And I take off all my clothes.
It's the only job description,
And I'm the one who knows.
How I feel each time I walk through,
Doesn't even matter which door.
I try to smile as I walk by,
But more often end up on the floor.
Physically or in the mind,
It doesn't really matter which.
Do I have the option and if I did,
Would I make the switch?
It's easier than questions,
And less responsibility.
There's no fucking background check,
I can be who I want to be.
But it's who I am that's wrong,
When I can't look into the mirror.
And how can I know what's right
When I'm living life in fear.