Dwelling

After dissection I'm still standing, unenlightened.
Though time has passed, I am still frantic.
Each night and each day and each minute of most hours
I farther pry into the abrupt ending of you and I.

It's been a year, for it is March again.
Have the legal expeditions been suspended?
I do truly apologize for the legal trouble-
It was not my option, nor my will.

Viewing past everything technical,
I still dwell relentlessly on how we were- as we.
I can't comprehend what attracted me towards you,
Nor what attracted you towards me.

We were both so aware of the imposing exposing,
But, still, we disregarded all inevitable consequences.
We loved, we laughed, we talked and touched.
Sometimes the heat of the moment was just too much.

I am still trying to unmask what it was that made me need you.
Aside from how hard it is to accept it, maybe it wasn't love.
It may have been my sly desire for rebellion,
Or my easily stimulated yearning for Passion.

I also think it may not have been such selfish things,
Maybe I wanted a man who could teach me what a dad should be,
Maybe I wanted a man whose simple look and soothing words comforted me.
Because we both knew I needed comforting.

Too many maybes for me- maybe you know.
I miss that, you always did know.
I hope your kids and wife are doing well.
You are someone whom I'll never let go.