deepundergroundpoetry.com
Darkness
She brings darkness
All my memories came flashing back like sewage overflowing and I could smell her 9 years of intoxicated breath as she entered the room.
Darkness is trying to kill herself slowly as her anger has erupted
Too many times she left, too many times she wept
Darkness how long will you keep up with your lifestyle because your age has left your mind behind
Darkness is digging her grave and she's about 2feet away
Feelings unsettle whenever she gives you the eye, that's how cold she is
Darkness is a she mental disturbance
I can't tolerate it any longer tis better she keeps her distance
Hope your deeds aren't trailing you 'coz they might backstab you........
Darkness......
All my memories came flashing back like sewage overflowing and I could smell her 9 years of intoxicated breath as she entered the room.
Darkness is trying to kill herself slowly as her anger has erupted
Too many times she left, too many times she wept
Darkness how long will you keep up with your lifestyle because your age has left your mind behind
Darkness is digging her grave and she's about 2feet away
Feelings unsettle whenever she gives you the eye, that's how cold she is
Darkness is a she mental disturbance
I can't tolerate it any longer tis better she keeps her distance
Hope your deeds aren't trailing you 'coz they might backstab you........
Darkness......
Published 1st Mar 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Mar 2011 7:18am
Good job here. If I may, it could have been shortened a little (some of the lines carry on too long confusing the reader).
Having said that, I get it, and that's the point. Good imagination never the less, and a good read I thought.
Having said that, I get it, and that's the point. Good imagination never the less, and a good read I thought.
2nd Mar 2011 8:26am
Thanx for the advise and after i read it through your comment I see that i could have cut it shorter. Glad twas a good read, much appreciation.
3rd Mar 2011 12:20pm
