Life without you

 I told myself cold day in hell over and over again

I had to get over you but still keep you my friend.

Not really knowing what to do as each passing day went by

My heart would give up and let go of you

then you would come to my side

I tried to act like nothings wrong but we both know its true.

You admitted it was just as weird between me and you.

And as I left your side that day my heart did break again.

So now I dont even know If I can keep you as just my friend

Because our feelings were so strong

Im unsure if I can do it

Keep you as just my friend and really survive
through it

Maybe I just need to be numb try and feel nothing once again

So that what ever I once felt for you I shall never feel again.

No, Ive heard that living like that you might as well not be alive at all

Thats when I have to ask myself what would I rather have.

A life without meaning...
Or a life with meaning that Ill never be able to control?

Heart ache suppressed or lived with as a daily torment?

My choices are tough, but I cannot ignore it.

I'd rather be alone than feel this pain..
But its hard to choose torment that will fade..
Over the immediate satisfaction of shutting down..

What to choose what to choose
My heart aches
What do I say, I want to shut down
Its easier for the day