Just a fraction of a bigger story

I was here, far from the home of all my stress and frustrations, yet it somehow found its way to fill me with these unwanted feelings. Why is it so hard to have some stress-free time with no worries? Why is it so hard to find some peace in such an inhuman world, with soulless people? Including myself in that bunch. Is life really based on using and being used? By now I have stopped caring as I let my body flow with the lust of your body on top of mine, kissing your lips in search of a love that is not corresponded, blending together in passion and a thirst of being consumed by each other.

*/*/*

“Hi gorgeous, what’s a beautiful flower like yourself doing in such a shit hole?”

“Well,” Why was I nervous? I couldn’t lie; she kind of looked like my ex. “To study, like people who are here are supposed to do.”

“And what are you here to study?” She wasn’t interested in whatever I had to say. But I couldn’t deny that I liked it, whatever is going on here.

“Office assistant, how about you?”

“Nursing assistant.” She looked at me from head to toe with a killing look, “so, a secretary ey? So sexy~”

“Sexier than a nurse? I don’t think so.” I couldn’t help to flirt. She laughed a little too loud, like I said some kind of a bad joke.

“You’re lying girl.” She looked at me again, but now with a hint of lustful desire in her eyes. “With a tight shirt holding those big boobs of yours, those glasses, some heels and a short skirt,” she bit her lips, “Yum…You could be eaten up.”

“And you’d be first in line for that buffet, wouldn’t you?” Why was I following her in this charade? I felt so dirty, but I couldn’t deny that I liked it, who wouldn’t? But her face kept showing in the back of my mind and there is no way to help that from happening. Promises are only words, sugar coated lies to cope with reality, and that’s what her memory was. I wanted to move on but the memory of her made it that much harder.

“Of course sexy,” she winked at me and licked her lips. We weren’t the only ones there, there were people around us but it was as if we were alone, in a bubble, because they were ignoring our knowing glances of something that did not exist and I was begging for it never to turn in to something more than just a lustful attraction.

“Well, I gotta go,” I winked at her and gave her one of those flirtatious glances that gave out the message that we weren’t done with whatever it was we were doing. When would we be done? Did anything even start?  I honestly didn’t want to think about it yet.

*/*/*

“What are you thinking babe?” She was right in front of me, holding me tight against her body as we lay on the mattress after making love for I don’t even remember how many times. Always her pleasuring me and never letting me give her the same pleasure.

“About how we first met.” It was over a year ago, but it felt like everything happened so fast I still have a hard time believing that all of this is real; I feel I’m going to wake up in any moment without her by my side and her far away from me, living a happy life with someone else.

“Oh yeah? Why?” Her hand caressing my cheek just felt so nice, I closed my eyes not wanting to wake up from this dream I was clearly living in.

“Because you were so sexy teasing me and I was such an awkward ball trying to do the same, I was such an amateur,” I could feel my skin burn as I started to blush.

“Shut up, you had your own line of guys and girls that wanted to be with you and you didn’t even realize.” Was she being serious?

“And yet I was lucky enough that the one I was interested in actually knew I existed.” It was my time to caress her skin, even though I knew she hated me touching her face. She really needed to cut me some slack.

“Ugh baby stop, don’t touch my skin, it’s disgusting.” Here we go again.

“Shut up and take it, I love your skin, it’s soft and you will
not convince me otherwise.” I sometimes don’t know if she does it because she likes to see me be all defensive and defend her from herself, or if she’s really disgusted of herself. Either way I hated the fact that she wouldn’t let me be gay for her.

“Whatever babe, I’m just kidding you know it,” she pulled me closer to her, as if that was possible, and kissed my forehead.

“That’s all, my lips ain’t good enough for you?” I liked teasing her as well, trying not to be all mushy about wanting her to give me a proper girlfriend kiss.

“Umm babe if you keep this up I’m gonna have to punish you hard,” she bit her lips and proceeded to take my chin and kiss my lips. Her touch sent an electric wavelength through my spine and the deliciously soft touch of her lips against mine sent me to heaven and back, I could never get too much of her and I expressed it hugging her and scratching softly her back over her shirt, making her tremble and grab my hips passionately.

“Oh yeah? And how will you punish me?” I was never this open and challenging, but, it was a dream right? It had to be, there was no way this could be real.

“Ugh girl, you’re asking for it.” She pulled me under her, separated my legs and put her knee in between and started to grind against me as she kissed my neck, biting my shoulder and making me moan by the sole feeling of her breath on my skin. I held her and scratched her back from under her shirt. I could feel her body tremble by it and small moans escaped her mouth that was trying to make its way to my breasts.

“I love you Kristah,” she kept going down on me. My body was long gone consumed by the drug that was her body, her caressing moves. She didn’t reply, which was perfectly fine as I felt her flinch when I said it. Her hand lifted my shirt with my bra, leaving my breasts exposed for her mouth to explore, kiss, lick and bite. Her hand went down to my pants and, finding that I was totally wet, introduced two fingers inside of me at once making a dead scream come out of my dry throat. I pulled her from her shirt to kiss her and play with our tongues, letting her play with my tongue piercing as her fingers went inside and out of me at a rhythm with her knee pressuring the action and her other hand pinching my nipple. My hands lifted her shirt and sports bra and were squeezing lightly her breast making her moan between our kiss.

“You like that girl?” What kind of question was that? She would always feel the need of knowing she was doing a good job, as if the movement of my body, the moans, and the wetness inside of me didn’t express the ecstasy I was experiencing.

“Yes, babe. You’re so fucking good!” I would give it to her. If that’s what made her happy. If that was the only thing I could do for her, then she was going to hear what my body was screaming so desperately. When she heard that, I could feel her body come to a stop and then the rhythm went up, her lips went down again. This time leaving love bites all over my neck, breasts, even on my stomach and, taking my pants off with my lace underwear-so much for appreciating Victoria Secret’s lingerie-, went between my legs, opening me up. Her eyes went through my body, and when hers met mine, a grin appeared in her face, she started to kiss my thighs, grabbing my butt, squeezing it and pulling me closer to her, making me moan. I could feel some love bites getting closer to my intimacy; making me wet once again and moaning even louder if that was even possible. I had to claw the mattress when I felt that deliciously humid muscle of hers licking my clitoris, sucking it and circling around it while she was scratching my legs, making me arch my back. I could feel electricity going through my whole body and then it shook me. Her fingers went in me again while she was still caressing my clit with her tongue. A couple of strokes more.

“Oh! Kristah! You’re so fucking hot! I can’t…handle it anymore”

“You’re so delicious, come on baby, come for me.” I hit her point, and she hit mine. I stopped thinking, and there it was. The explosion between my legs, every single muscle in my body gave in to the pleasure that she gave me. I could feel her body shake slightly on top of mine. She didn’t stop moving on top of me though; I got strength to lift my leg and started to move it in sync with her, and I felt her wet under her shorts.

“Love you babe.” Did she really say that? I got up to lift her and hug her.

Nothing. I was alone in my bed. I looked around and I was still here. In this two-person bedroom with my roommate sound asleep. I gave thanks that I did not actually talk when I’m asleep. I sighed and went to the restroom, that dream had some real effects; I went in and took a shower. The water was warm, and it felt refreshing on my already burning skin. She wasn’t here, and she never would be. She hated my ass and I couldn’t blame her. My mind really played a bad trick by making her voice say those last words, I knew it was a dream, even though it was so realistic. Even when I told her I loved her, the feeling of her body flinching to those words was real. I’m pretty sure that’s what would’ve happened in real life, if I even had a chance for her to make me hers once more.

I came out of the bathroom and Michelle was still sleeping. Had to love her deep sleeping. I got back in bed and rolled, trying to go back to sleep, not really wanting to dream again. The dream left an emptiness in me, the emptiness I thought was filled with deception and mediocrity. I couldn’t find a comfortable position in which I could fall back asleep without feeling my bed was too big for just one person, even though it was a twin bed.

I suppose that there is no other way. I laid my pillow next to me, closed my mind and pretended that it was her.

“Would you let me cuddle you tonight honey?” I asked in my mind, knowing I wouldn’t get an answer. Of course I wouldn’t.

“Sure baby, come here.” It started again, and I hated myself. How pathetic could I be? Her velvet voice was so soothing and I could feel her arms wrap me around her body, placing my head on her chest, allowing me to hear her heartbeat. Could this be really a dream? It felt so real; I didn’t want it to end ever again.