Journal Entry

It's really over between us. Today has to be the worst Valentines day ever. I feel like shit. I've become this ugly mean person and I don't even know how it occurred. I feel terrible for the things I've said and done. They were cruel and harsh and I meant them when I said it. I don't want to be this way, but you have pushed me to no other point. I sit back and think about all the wrong I've done to you, and I feel terrible for it. But it doesn't compare to the things you have put me through. I've endured things I never thought I would. And I have done things that I said I would never do..for you. I guess the truth is that maybe you're not the one. I have an idea of what I want and you're not it. But I love you so much that it makes me question myself and what it is that I really want. We've defied the odds. That's what we've been doing from the very beginning of our relationship. No one thought we would make it together. I even had my doubts. But we managed to fight through everything together and come out even stronger. So why can't we fight through this?? Why can't we find that place of peace again? How did we come to be enemy's under the same roof? Half of me wants you and our life. But the other half, the villian, he's the one winning. That dark side of me wants out. Wants to be free and find love that will ease the pain and not create it. We've never been right for each other, but the crazy part is that's what made us so strong. The fact that we didn't belong together or didn't match is what brought us so much joy. To learn from each other and explore each other. I'm sorry we have to end. But i'm ready to let go, but you have to let me go.