deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Child of Storms
You know I see you, child.
You bring and take with you
the ferocity of storms,
with the unblinking calm
in the central third eye.
No time for farewells, child.
Take the leather pouch, housing
this silver blade. It shines
its own version of reality,
lest you need to settle old debts.
The burden of each step weathers
you — poised on the blade, you
earn another layer of strength
or you break. Your own thoughts
can destroy you; follow the silence.
For each trail, there is a price.
This vial holds the blood of elders;
when the time comes, smear it
from jaw to eye and remember
who you are, where you came from.
Be well, child. Now go.
Entered in 'Opposite Categories' comp, under "upbeat and dark".
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 4
comments 18
reads 1134
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: The Child of Storms
like a derangement of full meanings out of bits each time i read one of your poems, lifetimes of stories told in one unveiled scene, sometimes i feel like we are just charcters spun from the planets of your mind but unlike the boy i can not remember who i am or where i'm from
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
5th Feb 2014 6:03am
That's a great bunch of comments, Sem, thank you! Planets of my mind - that's a new one... Humbling, I hope the work can stand up to that.
*smile*
I'm pleased you can identify with this piece, it speaks the straightforward language of human spirit.
*smile*
I'm pleased you can identify with this piece, it speaks the straightforward language of human spirit.
Re: The Child of Storms
3rd Feb 2014 6:48am
Hello Atakti; Man, was almost singin this one as was readin it just now, it flows like a good song does, Could see this been played out in my head, like a good movie also... Very well done my friend, pulling me into your words...
The whole of it is awesome to my eyes, However, the first stanza, an the line "Your own thoughts can destroy you; follow the silence" calls out to me, more than the rest, those are great words my friend, : Eddie
The whole of it is awesome to my eyes, However, the first stanza, an the line "Your own thoughts can destroy you; follow the silence" calls out to me, more than the rest, those are great words my friend, : Eddie
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
3rd Feb 2014 4:58pm
I too love the line "Your own thoughts can destroy you; follow the silence". I feel that that line can apply to any situation or anyone. Nice work.
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
5th Feb 2014 6:06am
Thank you for noticing, Eddie. I know you are interested in lyrics, and this one flowed on its own energy.
As for that line on thoughts and silence, just sharing a scrap of wisdom learnt the hard way. I'm glad it resonated.
Thanks, man.
As for that line on thoughts and silence, just sharing a scrap of wisdom learnt the hard way. I'm glad it resonated.
Thanks, man.
re: re: Re: The Child of Storms
5th Feb 2014 6:08am
Re: The Child of Storms
Anonymous
3rd Feb 2014 6:52am
Atakti, for some reason after i read this it reminded me of the book Alchemist.
Preparations of life journey infused with wisdom and love.
I really like this, it has ancient tales of wisdom feel to it.
Preparations of life journey infused with wisdom and love.
I really like this, it has ancient tales of wisdom feel to it.
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
5th Feb 2014 6:10am
Hey, Vee, thanks for the look in. Well, I was aiming to get 'upbeat' in there somehow, figured a bit of wisdom should do it. Alchemist, though, wow hefty compliment, thank you!
Re: The Child of Storms
3rd Feb 2014 6:58am
you earn another layer of strength
or you break. Your own thoughts
can destroy you; follow the silence.
^
I liked this part the most. This piece is relateable, amazing, darkened, and inspiring id say. Beautiful write!
or you break. Your own thoughts
can destroy you; follow the silence.
^
I liked this part the most. This piece is relateable, amazing, darkened, and inspiring id say. Beautiful write!
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
5th Feb 2014 6:14am
Oh, hey, thank you so much, Toasty. I'm pleased you like it, and thank you for your generous comments!
:)
:)
Re: The Child of Storms
Upbeat and Dark, sounds like L.A.R.P. to me!
Awesome write, Atakti. I think you nailed the brief with the glow in the dark dirk of foreboding words and yet you still made it flaming captivating...
I have to admit, at first I thought you were taking a new direction with your dark poetry, but thank the L.A.R.P. gods was just a blooming nightmare.
Awesome write, Atakti. I think you nailed the brief with the glow in the dark dirk of foreboding words and yet you still made it flaming captivating...
I have to admit, at first I thought you were taking a new direction with your dark poetry, but thank the L.A.R.P. gods was just a blooming nightmare.
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
5th Feb 2014 6:18am
Ha, and what's wrong with a new direction? I may shock you yet... Stand by your sets, people.
Thanks, Case, for the awesome comments. LARP sounds like trouble, though, you can hold on to that for me...
Thanks, Case, for the awesome comments. LARP sounds like trouble, though, you can hold on to that for me...
Re: The Child of Storms
3rd Feb 2014 3:56pm
My Friend,
Once more. your pen has opened another portal into the realm of the dark, and the mystical! This carries a tone of wisdom...of the legendary ancients.
Throughout life's journey, it is often from the heritage of our pasts, that we gain the strengths to face the challenges of the future.
You hold a most deserving place of honor among those who have mastered the art of the mysterious!
Once more. your pen has opened another portal into the realm of the dark, and the mystical! This carries a tone of wisdom...of the legendary ancients.
Throughout life's journey, it is often from the heritage of our pasts, that we gain the strengths to face the challenges of the future.
You hold a most deserving place of honor among those who have mastered the art of the mysterious!
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
5th Feb 2014 6:24am
I'm happy to see your words, Dark Enchantress, generous and elegant as always!
Your comments are epic - making my ink look good, too! Thank you, Friend, I look forward to each of your visits.
Mystical works wonders... Inspiring thoughts from you!
Your comments are epic - making my ink look good, too! Thank you, Friend, I look forward to each of your visits.
Mystical works wonders... Inspiring thoughts from you!
Re: The Child of Storms
7th Feb 2014 5:05am
I read this as a very old-earth fantasy narrative. The start to an epic adventure into life's trials and tribulations. Very concrete in its descriptiveness yet still having cryptic sage-like undertones.
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
8th Feb 2014 5:40am
Thanks for the solid critique, Ghoulie. Your interpretation is very close to my intentions. Cheers!
Re: The Child of Storms
15th Jul 2014 1:15pm
This is great. I like the way you paired the dark undertones of lIfe with a sence of adventure. Also, I liked the third eye line, cool move.
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re: Re: The Child of Storms
17th Jul 2014 3:32pm