World Waits...a While at Least

(Note:  This site for some reason doesn't do well with copying and pasteing previous works...  It doesnt recognize that there is new lines, it puts it all together, so I appologize, I don't have the paitence or the time to fix it.  If you really want to read it the way I intended it to be, look for it in my gallery on http://www.miniraptor-x.deviantart.com, thank you. Peace, love, Empathy,  - Happy2BHumble)

Part 1. School Day "World, Wait forever, Never. Take the time, Don't break my heart, Again... Though I want to take the time, By nature of design, It's so hard to arrange, So hard to explain"     - Jeremy Enigk (World Waits) 
Life, a riddle that has yet to be broken.  Finding a meaning to your own exsistence is harder than it sounds.  Are we just floating? Or do we have a purpose? Is there a God? Or are we alone?. These questions are often laughed off by many, but to some... These questions haunt them. Nathan Kelly, a new sophmore, curious by all means, and haunted by the question, 'Who am I?'.  a question he had often ask for years, but never seemed to bug him as much as it did now.      "Shadows, they follow me. They do not know what they must fear, for they no longer    do, I am here"Nathan reads his poem to the class    "Late answers, early questions, enjoy"He finishes up, and silence fills the air, and the teacher stands up.    "Thanks Nathan, another attempt to fill the class up with nonsensical saddness"He says first sarcastic, and almost mad.    'I show truth, and attempt to speak out, and nothing' Nathan thinks to himself, but keeps quiet    "Tomorrow, Improv, I want you to think of a subject, and then wing it"The bell rang and the class walked out of the room, Nathan walked slightly slower than the rest, leaving the class last. Nathan has had an interest in poetry ever since he read The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe. Since then he has been writing his own abstract style, often people just shrug his words off, and they don't look for a meaning, Nathan feels as everyone is 'too stupid' to see beyond his words.     "Nathan, wait up"Nathan turns around, surprised to see Cindy Lynn walking up to him    "Hello?"She just smiles,     "I really liked your poem"    "Well thanks"Nathan says, not exactly sure what to think    "Yeah... I was th-thinking that maybe you could show me some of your other works?"Nathan slightly smiles,    "Yeah- I don't see why not"    "Great" She says, walking into her class. Nathan has never recieved any signs of support to his poetry, either from parents or teachers, He believes he's good, so he continues to write, almost as if he cannot control the urge to write down things.   Part 1 1/2. Home  Nathan walks into the front door, both of his parents are at work.  Nathan appreciates the time alone.  He walks upstairs and turns on his music and just thinks.    'Wolrd waits'He says to himself as the Jeremy Enigk song plays over his computer.    'The world waits for change- for us to change, throws off the outcasts, trying to     brainwash them into being someone there not, and if they decide to still not comply after    the waiting period, there done' Nathan laughs at his thought, and lays in his bed.    "No time for our love" plays over the radioNathan falls asleep to the song playing 
Part 2. Dreams "Heaven, are you really waiting outside the door. Never thought i'd hear the words before the road. Sever, it's the simple things that are so hard to grasp, can't find myself in all the days that passed, but i can feel it when it shines, nevermind" - Jeremy Enigk/Fire Theft (Heaven)
 a dark, plain world. Nathan has arrived to.  Every person dressed in Khaki pants and a blue shirt.  Pure white blank eyes, and drooling.    "Oh my" He thinks to himself, walking down the road, he picks up a newspaper with the heading,    "Supreme Ruler Speaks!"He continued reading and noticed that the 'Supreme Ruler' was named, Media. Nathan began laughing.    "It's not so different" as he finished his sentance he reawoke in a new world, a small room with one door, he went and tunred the knob and he went into a giant world, a beautiful, colorful world.    'This is wonderful'he thought to himself. Little kids filled with so much innocence ran accross the green grass, laughing and having fun.  Families walking down streets holding hands, with a smile on their faces.       "This is heaven"He thought out loud, as a youngin ran up to him.    "Welcome"a little blonde haired girl, said with a smile.    "Hello" He said back, smiling as well    "You seem so pleased"    "Oh yes, I love it here... it's so beautiful"She just looked at him and smiled even wider    "Well, May you never leave"He woke up, the happiness was there! So easy, Feeling so real as he could extend out his arms and hug the little girl, feel the grass, and just sense the happiness. and then it was gone.    "Teasing is cruel"He thought out loud, laying back down, hoping he'd fall asleep and return to the land of his dreams, but was unsucessful. Part 2 1/2: Date to remember As he layed there trying to fall asleep, he rememberd his date.  He decided then that he wasnt going to go, thinking this was itself an attempt by Cindy Lynn to make a fool out of him, he layed there, continuing to try to fall asleep.But all his attempts failed, trying to fall asleep just wasnt working, and he tried, and tried so hard to relive the feeling of 'Heaven' inside his head.   Its almost as if the world itself is an enemy, waiting for YOU to FOLLOW the CROWD, give up your own indivduality and join everyone else, as most people have come to do. With organized religion and the media, filling us up with the nonsensical illusions.  Part 3: Anger     "When things like the Crusades, Inquisition, Witch Trials, Middle Ages, Thirty Years       War, Taiping Rebellion, Iraq War, etc. happen, the amount of casulties and stupidity is     breath taking, but what do all of these horrible times in history have in common? They're     all the result of organized religion. Organized religion causes wars, discrimination, and     suppresses scientific advancement"He read his paper in Social class, with such an anger, his teacher stopped him.    "Thats enough Nathan, sit down" Nathan stopped reading, and slowly walked back to his desk, wanting to say many things, but didn't. Knowing that he had no chance of winning an arguement.  When he got back to his desk, he began writing, page one in a purple notebook, marked 'To The People Who This Concerns'.- - - - - - -  Page 1. Desperate, and wantingbut keeps quiet out of fearNothing is worth tryingWhen your Billy the weird Giving up, Is his lifeNever tryingSociety is a knifePiercing threw his chest Hopless, Just not caringWhen love is no longer dearWhat can you do?When your Billy the weird When Heaven is so closeBut still, too far awayJust a kiss you cannot havea memory just relapsed  an addict, back on his pathSlowly dyingSad destructionOf a smile, Never sharedIf he was to die, who would care?Poor, Poor, Billy the weird  - - - -  Page 2 I myself, have expirenced Heaven.  In my sleep, and right before the moment of happiness I've been wanting, the sweet, sweet smile on the face of the innocent, I was taken away.  Awakend and put back into the heart piercing shard of glass, which is reallity.  I didnt know whether to cry or laugh. You know? a type of pain that just sucks so bad you cannot help but just laugh...  When will things get better??? My prognosis is never.  Signed, - BtW - - -  as Nathan finished page 2, the bell rang. He closed up his notebook, and began walking to his next class.    "Nathan"Cindy came running towards him    "What happend? You didn't show"He just looked at her    "I can't talk"and he walked away. - - - - - - - -  Page 3 I write this with a small smirk, as nobody understands the pleasure of simple affection, and the way it is when its done.  Why I try my hardest to stay away.  Love itself is destined to fail, and to allow yourself to go through with what you already know is going to hurt you is just pathetic.  Signed, BtW - - - -  Part 4: The Author "I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing thats real"   - Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails - Hurt) Nathan has become almost obsessive with writing. Soon after finishing page 3, he wrote Page 4, and 5, almost with a rush of adrenaline and courgage.  - - - - - - -  Page 4 Who am I? a fimilair question I find myself asking.  I try my best to not to by a hypocrite, but arent humans that of themselves??? a feeling we all belive we have is love and pain.  But do we know for sure?  Love, we sure as hell don't know what that feels like, Love itself is a shield we use to hide something, to cover up a missing part of our soul, a feeling of pain, and saddness. We fall custom to believing we love this person, and when we no longer feel sad, we get rid of our 'love' and we then later become sad again, and search for a new love.  Just a cycle of pain, caused by something that doesnt really exsist. Page 5 Pain?  We all feel an emptiness that causes pain, but pain? Acheing pain??? No, we don't have a clue.  Some of us have come close, but the pain of actually body acheing along at the same time the humility caused by the things causing us the pain, the pathetic-ness we've always tried to hide comes out, and theres nothing we can do, when we're no longer human, de-humanized into nothing, and then pain... thats pain.  a thing niether you or me has actually felt.  We almost like to feel as if we have though, and I've always wondered why... Why is being sad so cool?  Why has deppresion become such a fad? Its the one fad that angers me the most, as well as the one I just cannot comprehend either. Signed, BtW - - - -