Beyond Human Aid

God please tell me what to do            
Show me the right choice            
I’m lost and lonely, running scared      
And I can’t hear your voice.            
   I pray each day for guidance            
And say “Thy will be done”            
I’m trying to wait with patience             
For the answers I seek to come.            
   But so far I can’t hear them            
The screaming drowns it out            
The devils whispering in my ear             
And he’s using all his clout.            
    He keeps telling me its okay            
To do it one more time                  
That this time it is different,            
It will be just fine                  
But it’s never just one time            
It’s every single day                  
I keep telling myself tomorrow             
I will find another way.                  
   But tomorrow never comes            
And it all begins again                  
The guilt and shame and lies            
That never seem to end.                  
   Why do I let myself fall down            
Let insanity win once more
When I know exactly where it takes me
Straight to deaths front door.
   My life becomes a living hell
I just want to give up and die
But I couldn’t do that to my kids
Although more than once I tried.
  They might be better off without me
Should I just stay away?
I’m no good for anyone
When I’m living life this way.
    I’m diagnosed beyond human aid
And nothing’s worked so far
I keep trying and each time I fail
So off I go once more.