deepundergroundpoetry.com
Shards of Love
You used to like the taste of my fear
Beat me down then kiss my tears
You still make me cower in fear
You used to stay up late at night
Even talking till the break of light
You knew how to make it feel alright
You used to bruise my skin with ease
Grab my hair, bring me to my knees
Your love is riddled with disease
You used to keep me close to you
Swearing our love was pure and true
There's nothing you wouldn't do
You used to threaten me with violence
Then recoil with tears or silence
But you always asserted your presence
You used to be everything to me
With you was all I wanted to be
But now I'm gone and we are free
So why am I so tortured inside?
Why does it feel like a part of me died?
I can't move on, no matter how hard I try
Published 15th Jan 2014
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likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 8
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Jan 2014 2:44pm
You used to threaten me with violence
Then recoil with tears or silence
These words are so deep, I really like your choice of wording.. The subject is hard to bare, but is too often suffered in silence. Thank you for sharing
Then recoil with tears or silence
These words are so deep, I really like your choice of wording.. The subject is hard to bare, but is too often suffered in silence. Thank you for sharing
15th Jan 2014 2:47pm
16th Jan 2014 1:32am
You know I already love the way you write poems, your word choice, the thoughtfulness of your lines. The honesty in this one of feeling a sense of loss for something you know was toxic is powerful. Your poem made me think that being in an abusive relationship where the other person is a Jekyll & Hyde can be an addiction. And that the loss you feel is withdrawal, both psychologically and physically.
16th Jan 2014 2:29am
Thank you. Sometimes I feel I write too much about the same things but truly if I didn't write it out I would still feel it. Only makes sense to share
16th Jan 2014 2:46am
I agree with using poetry as catharsis, but I think you underestimate your poetry. I get something new and original every time I read one of your poems. I'm looking forward to catching up on the ones I missed before I joined. Thank you for that! I'm so glad you posted a link to one of your poems from here on that other forum. This is my kind of place.
16th Jan 2014 9:37am
5th Oct 2020 6:15am
With a title like "Shards of Love",
it needs more visceral pain!
The last half flowed better
than the first half.
The title itself, is very powerful,
so the piece should be painfully sweet,
stingingly poignant, and smoothly powerful.
The title leaves the rest of the poem anticlimactic.
I'm not here to be nice.
If you ask for honest criticism and get obsequious lip service,
how does that help you supernova into legend?
Nobody helps you by only telling you everything that you did right.
I'm here to have my mind blown by epic poetry.
Do that, and I will genuinely worship you like a god.
Poetry is a dying art, and we contemporary poets
have a huge burden and responsibility
to keep it majestically alive for future eras.
I want you to dig as deeply as you can
to slaughter your wretched soul on the page.
it needs more visceral pain!
The last half flowed better
than the first half.
The title itself, is very powerful,
so the piece should be painfully sweet,
stingingly poignant, and smoothly powerful.
The title leaves the rest of the poem anticlimactic.
I'm not here to be nice.
If you ask for honest criticism and get obsequious lip service,
how does that help you supernova into legend?
Nobody helps you by only telling you everything that you did right.
I'm here to have my mind blown by epic poetry.
Do that, and I will genuinely worship you like a god.
Poetry is a dying art, and we contemporary poets
have a huge burden and responsibility
to keep it majestically alive for future eras.
I want you to dig as deeply as you can
to slaughter your wretched soul on the page.
11th Oct 2020 5:43pm
I much prefer brutal honesty. This is one of my weaker works to be sure
