deepundergroundpoetry.com
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Having trouble trying,
Up all night crying,
You're laughing &' smiling,
But on the inside you're dying.
All you have to do is try,
Dont feel sorry for yourself, sit around, mope &' cry.
There's better things in life to do,
If you want change, have FAITH in you,
Leave the past on it's ass,
Start something fresh &' new.
Up all night crying,
You're laughing &' smiling,
But on the inside you're dying.
All you have to do is try,
Dont feel sorry for yourself, sit around, mope &' cry.
There's better things in life to do,
If you want change, have FAITH in you,
Leave the past on it's ass,
Start something fresh &' new.
Published 28th Dec 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
28th Dec 2013 9:01pm
Such true words of wisdom! If you don't like where you are in life, then do something about it!
"Leave the past on its ass"---my sentiments exactly! (LOL!)
May i gently offer a couple of suggestions?
In the second stanza~~~
Line 4:
try placing a period, instead of a comma, after 'you.' This not only emphasizes the message of faith, in one's self, but it allows your reader to better appreciate the power in your conclusion. (Also....)
Line 3:
Since the word 'things' is plural, you might want to try 'there are better things' ....instead of there's(there is)--which is singular. :) (just my suggestions, though!)
Really enjoyed the positive spin of this Poem!
Welcome to DU, my Friend!
"Leave the past on its ass"---my sentiments exactly! (LOL!)
May i gently offer a couple of suggestions?
In the second stanza~~~
Line 4:
try placing a period, instead of a comma, after 'you.' This not only emphasizes the message of faith, in one's self, but it allows your reader to better appreciate the power in your conclusion. (Also....)
Line 3:
Since the word 'things' is plural, you might want to try 'there are better things' ....instead of there's(there is)--which is singular. :) (just my suggestions, though!)
Really enjoyed the positive spin of this Poem!
Welcome to DU, my Friend!
1st Jan 2014 11:36pm
28th Dec 2013 9:05pm
28th Dec 2013 11:55pm
30th Dec 2013 9:48am
