I'm a fucking coward

I lay in bed wondering
what a few pills couldn't do.
But she's laying right beside me.
I wouldn't want her to rise for the morning
and try to make me get out of bed
and I'm not breathing.
But I dont want to breathe.
I don't want to feel.
Right now I feel so much I'm
overwhelmed and a heart attack
is coming.
A heart attack at 30 isn't good.
Then again, maybe that could
kill me.
No one would think it was a suicide.

Can't hang myself or shoot myself.
I don't have the guts.
I'm a coward.
But I've never been shy to a pill
or some powder.
Just one bad day, they'd all be gone
in one swallow.
Wish today could be that day.

Maybe I'm just not going to.
I keep thinking about the important
things I have to do tomorrow.

But it sure does sound like the
right thing to do.
Not just for me...but for everyone.
Wouldn't have to listen to
me bitch any more.
Kaelen would be somewhere safe.
I won't have to cry
or be mad at myself for yelling at
that precious little girl.

Maybe I'm just fucking tired.