He's not around.

My heart hurts.
Won't answer my calls.
Won't meet up with me for coffee
like normal.
It's like he's just gone.
Part of me worries but
the other part just thinks
maybe he needs his space.
Hell of a way to tell me though.
I wonder what I did wrong.

I can hardly pick up my feet.
I hang my head
and I hold my heart on my sleeve
waiting for him to come back to me.

I suppose I assumed too much
from him.
Maybe I was ahead of the game.
Maybe it WAS just a game.
To him...
sure as hell wasn't to me.

So, tonight I sucked it up
and the first smile on my face
tonight was seeing my daughter
open up her Christmas presents.
Tears fell from my eyes...
this time in happiness.

Now she plays with her toys
and although I'm watching her
and smiling...
I'm reminded once again of him.
Wondering...again what the hell
I did.
I wish the pain would go away.
Or him, period.
I don't want him to but I don't
want or deserve these games.

I miss him.
I need him.
I want him.
I'm not going to have him though.
He's not around like he should be.
So, I give up.
He's missing me
He's needing me
He's wanting me.....
But now....
He can want in one hand, shit in the
other and see which one fills up faster.

Hope I can really say that to him when
he comes back, puts a smile on
his face and pretend like nothing ever
happened.