Just thinking out loud

Just thinking aloud no small talk here just a bunch of bullshit in one line
Bear with me cause shits just going to come out my mind...
Sometimes I feel down and sometimes I feel happy but right now I just feel plain shitty idk why I think it's because of Christmas without my grandma being here I seperate myself from my family idk and when Christmas hits I just know it's goin to b a shitty day with no one barly talking but some of them sit crying as I sit remorseful to nobody I have no feeling I have felt hurt I have felt everything now emotionless it's hard to not sit there and cry it's hard to hold everything inside but I guess I am and have been doing this since I was born life is just such bullshit why do people have to die why can't we be immortal live forever not die tomorrow this shit is killer to think about but well I guess that's why they say that shit just happens...I guess there's just some shit I gotta figure out...