my basement

why shouldn't I just stay in my basement until my heart ceases to beat
I have nothing to do
I don't want to comfort eat
I'm coming down and trying to find my feet
why is it my heart beats?

What's the purpose of a tree?
It grows and then dies
what about a cat?
daily fight for survival just to lose one day and leave what behind?

What about me?
I left another country
no more friends around me
destined for great opportunity only to discover this overwhelming misery

I really love drugs but I think they fucked me.
Cynical or real?
this world is surreal and I can no longer feel
I want you people reading this to come get fucked up with me
we could have a party in a big abandoned hangar
but i'm trying to throw this crutch out from under me

everyday I get high is another day taken from my life
stolen by the pipe
still, every night we have the same fight

standing in the middle of the woods during a pitch black night
the cold steel of a machete brushes against me as I make my way through the trees
prepare to meditate, medicate, contemplate, hallucinate, obliterate, commiserate, debilitate, start to emaciate from repeated openings of the gate to the realm of the spirits
enmeshed by desire of feeling
steel cuts flesh, blood spills, so fresh
dripping to the forest floor
mushrooms, ether
pine needle couch
start to slouch, head drooping now
embrace the paranoia, terrified but at least you feel alive

this fear is real
I'm no longer alone

close my eyes and start to fly
leaving the forest behind i've entered another world
entities flow through me overwhelming me
I feel forces that come from outside of me
there are spirits here and they don't ignore me

every time I get high it's like part of me dies

I just want to surround myself with people in a sea of bodies
naked, intoxicated, writhing
men, women, sliding into each other
over each other
holding each other
embracing each other
I want to die mid orgasm
in a sea of bodies
lit like Vesuvius
anything else would be anticlimactic  
I'm a romantic with some naughty habits