morning

It's begun again
7 am and the pipes my best friend again
this flower and her friends drains my willpower to no end
I turn into a wallflower
been two days and I haven't had a shower
Under it's power can't go more than hour without
craving the sweet taste of it's embrace
 
All I'm trying to do is stop using a couple pills and a plant and I can't
woke up groggy and foggy so just a quick light  
will make me feel alright
 
My head hurts and the stuff grows in the dirt
why shouldn't it be okay?
keep talking to myself like that all day
little voice could explain anything away
 
It's like I regret it before I even lit it
but as soon as I hit it I need more
close the door
let the stereo roar and just keep going  
until I wind up on the floor
 
Now it's 8 am and when I got to Starbucks  
I couldn't figure out how to get in
I don't even know how it got this way
This isn't how I ever used to start my day  
but now I'm sitting here scribbling  
can't look up because
holy fuck this place is crowded
and I'm pretty sure my eyes are clouded
 
What if they find out I'm high?
I'm in no condition to lie
I'd probably freeze if I had to try
too stoned to walk home
 
I'm sitting all alone but I guess I should have known  
I was stepping into the danger zone and now
I gotta act like the lone ranger always wrangling on my anger  
otherwise I could be a danger like an uncaged alligator
you can call me the antagonator wailing on strangers just
to find an outlet for my anger
 
I spend all my time
hiding in plain sight  
acting like I feel alright
pretending I feel great when really
you couldn't appreciate the feeling
leaves me reeling
start walking around thinking about stealing because
I wanna buy those purple hills
take out a second mortgage  
finance my own abortion  
For my thoughts it's this distortion  
that sends the craving out of proportion
 
It's 8:30 and I'm writing faster like I gotta hurry
I'm still loaded
everything's fucking blurry
but that feeling's leaving  
pretty soon I'll be heaving
start to plan my itinerary because
I've got to get more drugs in me
my attention span is leaving me
this feels like insanity
 
Made it home by 8:49 but spent half the time
doubled over in the parking lot outside starbucks dairyqueen and safeway
threw up in front up of everyone  
held up my middle finger and said "have a lovely day"
 
Got vomit on my favorite shoe
The right one, got some on my pantleg too
white converse and slacks from goodwill
shopco sweater got looks that could kill