tormented ramblings

Breaking bad with a prescription pad  
15 years old and already so mad  
He feels like taking every one of those little pills    
that he has and freebasing to space off his face  
His head starts to race    
his mind is all over the place  
Sweating like a rapist and he's not even at the front gate  
What if someone sees me?    
what would they think of me?  
I can't do time and I remember the last fucking time  
Took a tire iron to my shrink because he said I had a small mind  
So let's just... rewind... ... wait. . .. I fucking can't  
I've lost my mind  
We've lost our mind  
Start to hallucinate    
Realize I don't know who I am half of the time but it's too late  
I keep telling myself that I'll be fine but that's the voice I've come to hate  
   
I used to remember, every september the leaves would change around me  
Now that I'm older these winters feel colder  
It's what you're doing to me  
You've blurred my existence and  
increased the distance from the rest of the world  
and me    
me..world  
Now I'm two steps to the left  
I'll puff out my chest but I must confess this is overwhelming me  
   
My Granddad used to make wine, I was 13 and the room was open all the time    
snuck in with a hose, draw the blinds closed and  
oh shit there I goes wild 'n out with no clothes  
My ex girlfriends mom knows, walked in on me naked    
wrestling a garden gnome  
she didn't kick me out though    
that place became my home  
Shitty front porch, whole house looked out of order,  
they had a dog that jumped at everything like it had a disorder  
log fire and old windows  
was the closest place to home I think I've known  
But I don't think they know    
Maybe that's just how it goes?  
No.  
I poisoned them all with alcohol  
   
I hate you I hate that I take you    
I hate that I can't fake you    
I hated you all through school but at least I learned your love is cruel  
I hate how our bonds like glue and I hate all the things you make me do    
   
It's just so hard to let my feelings show when it feels like my life is the truman show people always standing right behind me just to let me know they don't like me    
and everyone I work with knows how much is on my payslip before I even open it  
Makes my heart beat cold    
start to dislike people and on top of that  
I've got all these fucking sheeple running around trying to stab me with their steeples but look people I'm starting to feel fucking evil - 170 pounds of hurt walking around in a t shirt start exploring people houses when they leave to go to work    
got my eyelids tattooed, no ink I just wanted it to hurt  
Sticking needles through my arm every time I feel alarmed walk around armed because I see through your charm.    
   
No gats but I've got knives to the teeth  
You can hear them clinking every time I go to speak  
I start bleeding when I take my seat but the cuts all feel the same    
that's why I like them deep  
   
Pain is calming It's like the sane plane for my brain People start to look at me like I'm insane, putting cigarettes out on my arm and jumping on the back of moving trains    
but we aren't even on the same plane anymore because I grew up fucked up and I grew up insane I don't even know what I am anymore. Some hulked up little blonde whore. I turn heads whenever I walk through the door and spend the rest of my time looking at the floor  
   
Step into a cafe and people start looking at me like I'm gay  
get a table and before I've even turned around to sit down there's some mugly fuck standing there grinning like a clown, starts to compliment me like I'm the only person he's ever seen, he's starting to make a scene  
those two guys in the corner just pointed at us and shouted "queens"  
I came to find a girl or go home alone but the truth is those words cut to the bone    
I start to get angry, I have to leave I'm filled with self hate and if I don't get out of this place my anger is going to potentiate to a place that I can't even contemplate  
   
(hashfag)#alifeofvices