deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Trekker
The trekker resumed his plodding.
He would never realize fully
why he'd stopped short in the middle
of the Arctic glare. The Kola Peninsula
was no place to pause, even transiently,
and besides, he had miles to go before dark fell.
There would be no divine hand
reaching down to turn him back,
to gaze further at the blank canvas
he had been compelled moments earlier
to scour. So he would never find
the massive, exotic bloodstone
which had been tossed about
the Murmansk Oblast snowdrifts
like seaglass upon a heaving ocean
for centuries. An ancestor had lost it
when he lost his life to snow blindness.
It had temporarily surfaced just long enough
for the simple man's eyes to notice a dim spot
in the snow, before being buried again.
The man shook his head and carried on.
That was the closest the stone
would ever come to rescue
and the closest our traveler
would ever come to wealth.
The stone would sweep north with the winds
slowly, over the infinite millennia
and the man would starve that winter.
* Written for the "three word inspiration thread" with the requirement that I use "kola," "trekker" and "bloodstone" in a poem. *
He would never realize fully
why he'd stopped short in the middle
of the Arctic glare. The Kola Peninsula
was no place to pause, even transiently,
and besides, he had miles to go before dark fell.
There would be no divine hand
reaching down to turn him back,
to gaze further at the blank canvas
he had been compelled moments earlier
to scour. So he would never find
the massive, exotic bloodstone
which had been tossed about
the Murmansk Oblast snowdrifts
like seaglass upon a heaving ocean
for centuries. An ancestor had lost it
when he lost his life to snow blindness.
It had temporarily surfaced just long enough
for the simple man's eyes to notice a dim spot
in the snow, before being buried again.
The man shook his head and carried on.
That was the closest the stone
would ever come to rescue
and the closest our traveler
would ever come to wealth.
The stone would sweep north with the winds
slowly, over the infinite millennia
and the man would starve that winter.
* Written for the "three word inspiration thread" with the requirement that I use "kola," "trekker" and "bloodstone" in a poem. *
Written by
mjs211
(MikeTheEngineer)
Published 4th Nov 2013
| Edited 17th Nov 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 11
reading list entries 1
comments 17
reads 1279
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: The Trekker
5th Nov 2013 2:26am
...It's always few and far between Your Writes Mike-Always excellence-fitting frosty tale for the cold weather...
0
re: Re: The Trekker
5th Nov 2013 4:05am
Thanks for the comment soul. I actually wrote this for that thread months ago, and was thinking of it so I went and dug it up again.
...
5th Nov 2013 7:38pm
This could be one poem, in a series-of-poems-novel about The Trekker who is in some new wilderness each poem/page, like some big camping/backpacking/philosophic epic. I'd read it. 'The Trekker resumed his plodding' is just waiting for a prequel. 'To scour' is great, in the way it glares out from the start of the line. And 'an ancestor/had lost it when he lost his life to snow blindness', is such a brilliant, lingering idea.
2
re: ...
5th Nov 2013 9:36pm
Hmmm, an interesting idea, a serial-poem-epic-novel. Like a more cerebral "Forrest Gump," where the Trekker makes his way through life, and life-transforming events sweep him up or just miss him, and while he keeps his head down and walks through everything simple-mindedly unaware, there are deeper philosophical questions raised? I can see the potential for something great, though it would have to be done perfectly to avoid being too heavy-handed. I don't think I have the patience right now to write that, but if you wrote it I'd be hooked, I'm sure. Thanks for the great input Merda.
Re: The Trekker
7th Nov 2013 2:09am
I always look forward to seeing your name in my "Updates" page. As always, this piece is intriguing, with unanswered questions and an ending that makes me catch my breath a bit. Great read.
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re: Re: The Trekker
7th Nov 2013 6:35am
Re: The Trekker
Anonymous
7th Nov 2013 12:54pm
<< post removed >>
Re: The Trekker
9th Nov 2013 9:28pm
Mike,
I've been saying it for ages, that three word thread brings out some real gems.
I agree with Medra, certainly has potential. really liked your voice here. I find words like "and besides" in a narrative help convey a nice calm, almost gentle reassuring tone
couple of couplets stood out for me in a good way, lines like:
" An ancestor had lost it
when he lost his life to snow blindness."
and
"The stone would sweep north with the winds
slowly, over the timeless millennia"
my first thoughts to the above line was, millenia is a measure of time so it couldn't be timeless ..I'm not so sure now
I like this for it's freshness and for the laid back way you guide us from start to finish a true pleasure to read
shine on, man
I've been saying it for ages, that three word thread brings out some real gems.
I agree with Medra, certainly has potential. really liked your voice here. I find words like "and besides" in a narrative help convey a nice calm, almost gentle reassuring tone
couple of couplets stood out for me in a good way, lines like:
" An ancestor had lost it
when he lost his life to snow blindness."
and
"The stone would sweep north with the winds
slowly, over the timeless millennia"
my first thoughts to the above line was, millenia is a measure of time so it couldn't be timeless ..I'm not so sure now
I like this for it's freshness and for the laid back way you guide us from start to finish a true pleasure to read
shine on, man
0
re: Re: The Trekker
9th Nov 2013 10:08pm
Hey Ea, always glad to see you pop up. Agreed on that three word thread--drops your brain into places it wouldn't otherwise be. Regarding the "timeless millennia," my original thought process was to use "timeless" to convey a sense of time having no meaning, of infinite lengths, etc, and used "millennia" to help get the average person (not used to thinking of timescales of that magnitude) to that scale better. But I do see your point, and now it's bugging me. Maybe, I dunno, countless millennia? or timeless snow currents? or timeless expanse? or something else, if you have any thoughts on it?
Re: The Trekker
9th Nov 2013 10:25pm
y'know, only for we're discussing it here, you'd probably have got away with leaving it. so, sorry 'bout that. over thinking ..it's a curse I say.
I like countless millenia, it's infinite like you want. at the same time, I don't think you'd kill anything of the poem if you used another line to expand into the expanse so to speak, so you'll have a big barrel to chose from
I like countless millenia, it's infinite like you want. at the same time, I don't think you'd kill anything of the poem if you used another line to expand into the expanse so to speak, so you'll have a big barrel to chose from
1
re: Re: The Trekker
17th Nov 2013 2:08am
Actually, you used the word infinite, and I like the sound of "the infinite millennia." Maybe I'll go with that for awhile, come back to it, see how it feels. Cheers man!
Re: The Trekker
Anonymous
16th Nov 2013 10:10pm
This line: "to scour. So he would never find" needs an "at" after "scour". Otherwise this is perfect. I envy it. It evokes darkness, despair, and also profound beauty. It's neither depressing nor even pessimistic, just strange and subtle. A complete narrative, with pristine themes and images.
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re: Re: The Trekker
17th Nov 2013 2:05am
Thanks for the comment, J. You sure about the scour business? I'm pretty sure you can say "he scoured the snow..."
re: re: Re: The Trekker
Anonymous
17th Nov 2013 2:32am
You're right, sorry. I must have read it too fast and mistook it for something like "scowl".
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Re: The Trekker
Anonymous
18th Nov 2013 4:18pm
<< post removed >>
Re: The Trekker
18th Nov 2013 4:27pm
I like this as a glimpse into what could be a longer tale...
Got lost in the cold there, Mike, good work.
Got lost in the cold there, Mike, good work.
0
re: Re: The Trekker
18th Nov 2013 9:09pm