Snapping

Time to leave or time to stay?
The ongoing question.
There are days of hope.
There are days of despair.
I'm tired of who I am, that's for sure.
The thing is, I have re-invented myself many times
And I don't know if I have the strength
To do it again.
Sliding back into darkness is much more tempting on days like this.
The piss and vinegar part of me fights against this other part.

I guess we are all in our little stew pots these days.
People snapping left and right.
I don't know how to fix this.

I feel my own internal pressure building,
No vent in sight.
Everyone so busy that their talk is just that.
They say 'help' but they mean
Only if it is convenient.  
What they really want is me to disappear.
Knowing me is messy at times,
And I know nobody likes that sort of thing.
I'm supposed to have it all sorted out by this age,
But I feel farther from that than ever.
All else has been tried.
Snapping is all I have left.