why are you still on my mind

you are dead.
you left me at a young age.
why are you still on my mind.

as a mother you were never really there.
you were a drug addict.
when you had children you were told to stop,
or else your children would be take from you.
you didn't stop,
and we aren't with you.
why are you still on my mind?

i was put into foster care,
but you did nothing to save me.
i was put up for adoption,
but still you did nothing.
i got adopted,
and that's when you decided to really care.
why are you still on my mind?

when i was in fostercare you had visitation rights,
but you barely came to see me.
when i got adopted you still had visitation rights,
but you stopped seeing me all together.
why are you still on my mind?

I haven't seen you in years.
now i'm seeing you in an unsuspected way.
you are on your death bed,
but still so young i didn't know that.
unable to talk to me,
i decided not to speak either
because i didn't even know what to say.
why are you still on my mind?

i heard you died that same day.
this meant i'll never see you again.
my reaction to all this was silence.
i did not know to feel,
or even know what to feel about all this.
why are you still on my mind?

i went to your wake.
i saw you laying in a casket.
everyone was crying.
i wasn't sure what to do,
so i sat in a corner.
why are you still on my mind?

i decided not to go to your funeral.
i felt satisfied.
why are you still on my mind?

a few years after your death
is when i was hit by grief.
i felt as if there were a void inside my soul.
why are you still on my mind?

finally at age 16 i decided to visit your grave.
i need a proper closure.
i wrote you a peom,
and even bought you flowers.
i cried over you,
and talked to you.
i felt as if i finally got my closure with you.
why are you still on my mind?